Asphyxiated.

biography

Renee.

"Forgetting all the hurt inside I've learned to hide so well.
Pretending someone else can come and save me from myself."

Facebook. Tumblr. Twitter.
Find me on Instagram: #reneekjw_

twitter

Tweets by @Reneekjw

ask

Archives

We own the night

Wednesday 21 August 2013 23:14

Back after two months cause I'm much too lazy to do something about my blog and been busy with studies (okay just kidding, I had time but I spent it on idk what).

So yeah, I recently turned 17. Wohooooo *party poppers* Cheers to only having one more year to being 18. Which means being LEGAL. To be honest, didn't anticipate my birthday this year as much as I did a few years back.

Reasons being:
1. FEELING THE OLDNESS.
2. Some personal issues.
3. More responsibilities.
4. People having more expectations.
5. Closer to having to work my ass off.

Really appreciate all the wishes and birthday gifts. *: Don't know what I ever did to deserve such good treatment but STILL, LOVE YOU ALL XOXO.

Okay regarding about the personal issues...

A truckload of stuff has been happening. Sometimes I don't even know what's real and what's not.

Friends...? Erm, yeah does that include backstabbing and ones that badmouth behind your back then act all chummy with you? I guess not. I admit this hasn't happened to me once or twice since I was never really likable since I was born...(?) I remember a kid in nursery used to act like she was the boss and she caused me to get hit by the teacher cause of a little joke between my friend and I. Primary school, I was in this clique filled with girls and they would be mad at me at the littlest stuff then stopped being friends with me for god knows how long but one or two of them would still secretly call me up still. Once, there was this girl whom lost something and the rest straightaway suspected me cause they weren't friends with me. No offense but I still wanna say it, MY MIDDLE FINGER SALUTES YOU. Blame it on me being too young and naive and I was so defenseless. OHYES, one girl broke her arm cause she tripped over my leg and I had to become her goddamned domestic helper for that period until her arm recovered cause they all blamed me for breaking her arm. Once again, _|_ here you go. Secondary school, much more improvement after primary school. Don't really remember anything that made me wanna quit school and all. But there was one girl that I really regret knowing and being close. Ever since I known her, my life was nowhere near peaceful cause everything that she does seems to be against me. Don't even know if it's just coincidental or something else. Being stuck with her for more than 5 years is just painful and torturing. I'm so glad I'm being torn away from her now. Currently, to be honest, I'm not a very sociable person so people taking the initiative to talk to me is just omg-r-u-serious-yes-lets-be-friends. Yeah, I'm someone like that. I've received comments on me being unapproachable cause of my looks...? Or my aura idk LOL. I'm not someone that will be really comfortable with you even though months have passed and years unless we can really click well and you don't judge me based on what I do, what I wear etc. It takes time for me to get comfortable with you so yes, the other party normally has to make more effort. /.\ Still, I do have two or more friends whom I can really talk about anything from guys to periods to yeah on and so fort you wouldn't want to know HAHAHAH. Despite the little efforts I've made, they are still continuously there for me. (,: Even though I don't show it, I'm thankful for them being in my life and giving me strength to carry on despite the hardships I'm facing.

Found out some stuff that are really hurtful to know but the truth always hurts doesn't it? Being real forgiving yet being called a hypocrite cause of me being forgiving. Does it even make sense? From what I last checked, being forgiving is a good sign. Carrying all these feelings of dislike, aren't they a burden to carry? Isn't it tiring? I had hateful feelings before hence I understand how it feels. It just makes me unhappier. Besides, which person isn't one? You smile to hide how you really feel. You pretend you're okay so that people don't question you on what's wrong. Isn't this hypocrisy? Before you start pointing fingers at someone, make sure you're clean too. Saying how you dislike people speaking about your back yet you're No hard feelings cause I'm not such a unforgiving person and I understand myself well enough to know that you're not worth my efforts. :)