もし時間できる治す - ♥ -

Set fire to the rain.

2012-01-28T18:23:00.000+08:00

Omg... I feel like blogshopping again.
How to not get tempted by clothes like these?!

But a few risks of ordering online is that, you are unsure if the person is trustworthy. They tell you they are and then they just go MIA. Thankfully I haven't met such irresponsible owners. The world is kind to meeeeeeee. KWTH. And the other risks is that you have no idea if that size fits you even though it's free-size and you can't exactly exchange the product. :/ So I rarely buy clothes online. But I'm so tempted to do so now!

Okay, enough of blogshopping.

Reunion dinner is always fun and lovely with the people you love.

And YAY. It's time for dinner!

Why is food forever so yummy. T.T

Had a wonderful dinner!

And the depressing day, back to school.

Everybody was still in the CNY mood and even the teachers could see that. But no, we can't slack off our lazy bums. It's the crucial year for us.

Trying to do my very best in my O level F&N coursework, but it's just so... DIFFICULT.

I don't even apply these skills to my life to be honest.

But I'm so thankful to the fact that people are motivating me to study. So hang in there people! We can slack and be lazy bums at home after the O's. :)

This week was filled with disappointments and more... disappointments.

Have no idea how long since I last felt so disappointed in someone that I really care about.

If you know me well, I hang on to promises. It's a dumb thing to do, but for me, a simple promise means a lot. I try not to promise someone about something that I can't keep and give them false hopes. I really hope people will think twice before they promise someone something. Like "forever", do you actually know how long forever lasts? It's easy to say, but hard to keep. The future is unpredictable and you have no idea what you'll be experiencing next. If you're just promising someone just to make them happy. Then don't bother, it'll just hurt them more if you can't keep to your promises. I'm always reminding myself not to put so much feelings into someone, but how can you actually change the fact that you actually bother about them. You ponder what might they be doing, how are they and whatsoever. I'm sure you wouldn't notice that you are already starting to care about someone until something happens. So my point is, don't promise anything if you're unsure if you can keep it.

Reunion Dinner

2012-01-21T17:57:00.002+08:00

Been so cramped with homework this week and with practices. Finally I've the time to sit down and blog.
Had our usual CNY celebration and performance yesterday. And hell yeah, we did well !
Mdm Ang read one of the texts that one of the teachers had sent her stating that CO is coming back strong. ^-^
Keep it up peeps ! Let's perform well for our upcoming performance too !
A few shots of the CNY celebration (shots weren't taken by me).

The celebration ended earlier than I thought it would. A quick debrief by the teachers and we're off to celebrate the rest of the day !
Thanks to Siewtin's dad for giving us a ride to northpoint. :) Made the transport way easier.

Met K and then later in the evening, headed off to meet the rest for reunion dinner. :)
And hell, when I was mad hungry and tired. The bus just didn't want to come. -.-
Waited for like 20 - 25 minutes just for the freaking bus. C'mon SMRT, I bet you don't only have one bus on service. So k and I got pissed and he just decided to cycle me to northpoint.
He was kinda lousy at it at first, but then after that he got better at it. He kept complaining I was heavy. Wth is this... T.T I'm only 42kg, k la, looks can be deceiving. But I'm seriously only 42. LOL.
And guess what ? On the way of him cycling me, I saw 3 freaking buses came, wtf is this. LOL.
But okay la, the train came rather quickly so as the bus later on.
I was rather lost when I reached there cause I was surrounded by blocks and lots of blocks. But finally found the place and YAY FOOD !!!

Loads of laughter, food (of course), camwhoring and madness everywhere. LOL.

Even Alexi's grandma complained about us being too noisy.
Had ice cream float with vodka added in it.
The vodka that they brought tasted better than what I had during zx's chalet.
Somehow it tasted sweeter (?). K, maybe it's just my taste buds. ._.
Erilea almost got drunk and kept laughing when there wasn't anything to laugh about. x.x

So we started asking if she was drunk and Alexi gave her the finger test. So thankfully, she wasn't really drunk.
While waiting for tangyuan, pkk started doing magic. Which was kinda... fail LOL. Except for the last one which we really couldn't figure on why he could get the cards he wanted. So the trick behind it was that he kinda played around with the cards. So we all got cheated.

Slacked around and headed home together with the rest. Being out for more than 12 hours is really tiring. I just wanted to fall asleep anywhere.
Had a short chat with Erilea before we went home. ^-^
I can never get enough of their madness.

Rest of the pictures: http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.3083189647579.153935.1499000508&type=1&l=93fd767815

Life was carefree back then.

2012-01-12T22:30:00.001+08:00

Sigh. It's only the second week of school. Yet it feels like it's been a month.
Everyday there's piles of homework waiting for me to do. LOL.
Nevermind, i shall be motivated by my peers and work towards my goals towards O levels !!
My seniors has also been giving me encouragements and motivations telling me to work hard for O's.
Really appreciate them all. (':
This lovely girl is my partner for almost every lesson. Talked to her about stuff that I've never told anyone. T.T
And yes, I'm so glad she doesn't judge me for that.
I'm so glad to have someone that experiences the same stuff I'm going through and freaks out along with me. LOLLOL. And shockingly, we've been friends for more than 6 years !

Have been on a roller-coaster ride with my feelings nowadays.
Something simple can really spoil my mood easily.
But guess I'm alright now I hope. For now, I just wanna deal with studies. Nothing else.

Performed for the secondary 1 orientation yesterday. And I hope I did well despite not being able to catch some of the notes and playing the wrong note. T.T
Hope no one heard that. LOLLOL.
JOIN CO OKAY ! It's like a huge family with loads of brothers and sisters... LOL.
Okay la, CO can be really fun !
And only cute+funny+hyper people join liuqin ! ^-^

I carried this cake all the way from home to school. Thanks to the chicken rice stall auntie whom helped me to store this cake in the fridge. T.T So touched. LOLLOL.
Okay... It was a little fail, but still, Jiali loved the surprise ! That's what matters !
It's finally friday tomorrow. So glad. T.T
Finally I have the weekends to catch up with my sleep and homework. YAY.
Now, I shall head for bed !

This is gonna be a busy life.

2012-01-06T22:48:00.003+08:00

Hell, it's only the first week of school and yes, I'm really busy. T.T
Having CCA from tuesday to thursday. And coach will be starting real soon.
It's gonna be busybusybusy all day long for me.
But I really hope I can cope with my studies and everything this year.
But I honestly think that it'll start getting stressful for me. T.T

I'm really gonna try and pay 100% attention in classes this year. No more falling asleep in class !
Prepared sweets etc to keep myself awake. LOL.
I want my old life back... T.T *forever sad*
But I must endureeeeeeeeee.

Okay la, I admit, this year... is a really bad year to be in relationships and all those. So I really salute those whom can balance both well.
I must do so too !! Mustn't be affected by other stuff. :)

Thanks ass for constantly calling/texting me just to ask me what i'm doing etcetc. Appreciate it much. :)
But sadly, he's gonna start school soon too. :/

Okay, this is a rather short post and I won't be updating this site much, so yeah, you know what to do. (;
Follow me on twitter !
twitter.com/pastens_e

Goodbye 2011.

2011-12-31T14:50:00.004+08:00

I'm not gonna say much about my Taiwan trip since there wasn't really anything much to say about it. So I'll just do a brief post about it. :)

We were in a tour of around 32 people. And yes, the trip was rather entertaining which was the opposite of what I thought. I usually just fall asleep listening to tour guides yapping about the history of their country. But this tour guide just kept me awake throughout the whole journey ! She's damn entertaining and funny. And guess what ? She's 50plus when to me, she looks like 40plus, no joke ! And she's rich, she's probably just doing this job cause she doesn't want to be stuck at home whole day long. Gosh. I want a life like that.

Ignore my face since I was trying hard not to laugh. T.T

What I love about Taiwan... the shopping and food ! The weather was rather chilly, but if only Singapore's weather would stop being a bitch and somehow snow. Yeah, in my dreams.
And have I mentioned how much I like their trains ? They serve fooooodddd. Unlike Singapore, the seats are first come first served. And no drinks or food are allowed.

And I started taking emo shots of my dad...

I thought I was really bored beyond words. LOL.

We changed hotels everyday. Some were rather small and some huge. I prefer cosy ones. :)

I swear this guy was damn entertaining too. My dad took a picture with him after that, the guy pointed at me and showed a hand sign which kinda occurred to me as this "YOU. Come here." So yeah, I was laughing so hard. LOL. I have no idea how he can see with his eyes closed. ._.

And yes, this restaurant. WAS JUST AWESOME. Speechless for words to say regarding the interior of the restaurant. As for the food... It was average to me. :/

The interior was designed by a woman all on her own. She used mostly driftwood to create her artworks which was displayed in the restaurant itself. Every restaurant that she owns, she creates a different interior design. Dammit, she's got the creativity. But yeah... As you know, artists have different and unique tastes from us. She creates mostly artworks of naked women. ._.

Even the sinks are so unique. T.T But if you were there, you'd mix up the male and female toilet since the interior is the same. LOL. My sister made that mistake and fortunately I pulled her back before she could go in.

And yes, the soldiers at zong lie chi again. They kinda tightened the security there after some incident due to some people from a certain country (you know, i know). The tour guide told us that those people went to disturb them with smelly tofu, and started exclaiming smelly tofu smelly tofu, smelly anot ? smelly anot ? (in chinese). Like wtf. LOL. There's a reason why it's called smelly tofu. Duh. Pity the soldiers much. If I were them I'd go F U, of course smelly la ! You dumb or what ? But they can't do so, so yeah.

Went to Song Mei Ling's garden (?) on the last day of our trip. Damn, she's got a hugeeeeeeee garden. Gosh.

I want a garden like that. Dammit. Okay it's basically all these.
If you wanna view the rest of the album, http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.2908793487784.150287.1499000508&type=1&l=5fb22c56e8

After the trip, I headed for CO camp. Hardworkinggirl96. LOL.

Okay actually I just went cause it was gonna be my last camp (I think) before I graduate. I pretty much enjoyed the camp besides the morning exercise part. I'm not a really sporty person and I suck pretty much at sports. So yeah. To me, it was torture. Some of the alumnis came back to visit us too. Missed some of them so much. ): But still, I wanna graduate soon. LOL. But honestly, cca on the first day when school reopens. It really spoils my mood. Don't get me wrong, I love CO. But really, I don't wanna stay in school for the whole day.

(I can wink ! LOLLOL.)

Okay, today's New Year's Eve. So I guess I shall be doing New Year resolutions.

My list of new year resolutions...

#1: To become a better person. (Okay... I admit I can be quite mean at times. T.T)

#2: To do well in my studies. (Duh. I must become smarter !!)

#3: Not to fall asleep in classes. (Somebody please wake me up if I fail to stay awake.)

#4: Cherish the people I love.

#5: Be prepared to dieeeeee. (I don't really think the world will end next year but, just being prepared. (; )

#6: Pass my piano examinations. (Which I highly doubt I'll be able to do so.)

#7: Save $$$.

#8: Maintain my weight. ._.

#9: Forgive & forget.

#10: Be strong enough to overcome everything.

#11: Be more friendly. LOLLOL.
#12: Be a good advisor to people. (I know I'd probably fail at that.)
#13: I wanna be more adventurous and brave !!! LOL.
#14: Must be more good tempered ! (I can get into a bad mood easily.)
#15: Be more hardworking !!! (I'm forever lazy.)

So... I guess that's all. ._.
I hope 2012 will honestly be a better year for me. This year kinda sucked but it was great in some ways too.
2 more hours to 2012 ! I should probably play a trick on my family. ^-^

We found love in a hopeless place.

2011-12-18T18:09:00.001+08:00

Went to support Jamie, Yanying and Brenda down at Obox Studio yesterday night.

Norman had an extra ticket so I took the extra ticket. And I never regretted going down all the way there just to support them !

It was a really awesome performance which was both entertaining and hilarious ! Some of the dances were co-choreographed by their own dancers themselves ! How interesting is that ? The dancers were all from various schools and they could put up a performance together.

Some pictures of the show

Yeah, I know some of the shots weren't clear but it was rather difficult to capture the people performing since I was seated at the back on the ground. YES. On the ground. I told Norman, so we paid to sit on the floor ? But besides that, I was pretty satisfied with the performance. Some of the performances were really awesome ! Today was fully booked especially. I'm wondering how cramped will it be in the studio.

Waited for Jamie & Yanying after the performance and got some food after the performance. Was practically starving. T.T
We were all panicking cause we heard that the North-West line wasn't functioning. And it turned out to be a false alarm. We went to the train station and saw a notice stating that the North-West line was only function at 10am the next day. And when we asked the person, guess what she said ? For the time being, all the trains will be functioning. -.- Like wtf ? We're paying you money, can't you just do your job well ? At least get your lazy bum off and update the notice. Giving false alarms. -.- And what if some people thought it was true and then they had to call the cab ? Gosh. Seriously, you want us to have faith in you then do something about the transport and stop rising the fares. Like how many times have you risen the fares ? Still got what distance fare shit. Seriously ? I wasn't that pissed till yesterday. It's giving me so much inconvenience cause I have to worry about what if the train isn't functioning ? What if the train suddenly breaks down ? GOSHHHHHH. Okay, enough of SMRT.

As I promised, my china trip (II).
Day 7

My awesome group 2 during the trip ! I swear we were damn bonded. Everywhere we go, stick together. LOL.

Left the school in the morning. Sigh, I really didn't bear to leave the school and the hostel.

We had a farewell performance and I somehow screwed up... For the dance, it was just fail x.x

But my buddy was really supportive ! She didn't show any interest for the rest of the performances but once she saw me standing up and walking to the center, she started cheering and clapping. How cute can she be ? Hahaha ! I screwed up during my drum performance too. Feel so bad for dragging ET down too... :/ But she was really supportive and told me it was alright, at least I did my best. Gave so many hugs to my buddy before I left that I lost count. Can't believe how fast time flies. Sadly, she had to go back to her classes while the rest of the students continued waving to us at the gate. (':

Seriously, I feel like going back to the school now. LOL. Insane I know.

Next, when to the museum which I didn't have much interest in... But for reference, I snapped some pictures. LOL. I'll put the link at the end.

Day 8

Went to the memorial hall, and it was freezing cold. T.T

It was really saddening to see that there were so many victims of the second world war. Even innocent children. A total of 30,000 victims. I really can't imagine the scene then.

But world peace yo !

Went to some mountain/hill next, climbed tons of flights of stairs till my legs were numb. x.x (K, I was just exaggerating, but my legs were really numb when I reached the top.) And turns out... we went the wrong way, if you wanted to enter the place, you had to go the other way. The guys were like HUH. No way am I gonna go down and climb up again. So they chose the easy way which was to climb over the metal barriers. Smart huh. All of them got through except for me... Did I mention that I really suck at sports ? Yeah, I really do. I was like OMGGGGG. The metal gate was at my chest level, how tall is that -____- and yes, they kept asking me to climb over till the security came out to warn us not to climb over. So we had two challenges, one was if I could climb over and the guard. So when they guard wasn't looking, I climbed over. And the guard recognised me, so he started complaining but he could do nothing about it. LOL. Damn, I kinda regretted climbing over since there was NOTHING to see inside. :/ Okay la, but a great experience for me.

And our tour leader ! LKM !

He doesn't look like he's younger than me. I know. LOL.

Oh yeah, I left one of my gloves on this tram, and I was panicking when I remembered I left it there. I was so afraid that someone else would sit on the tram and just take my glove along with them. And a miracle occurred !!!!! The guys saw the tram and my glove being all lonely inside. Wee lee along with Norman chased the tram just to get my gloves. So grateful. T.T But turns out, we were gonna sit back the tram... So yeah, doesn't really make a difference if they chase it or not, but still, thanks guys !!!

The guys were really so nice to give up their beds. x.x The first thing I woke up was by Nelson's voice. He exclaimed to Zhihong EEEEEEEEEEEEE !!!!! Why your head here ?! (In chinese). Okay maybe it isn't funny since you didn't hear his actual tone, but thinking of it now, I still giggle to that memory.

Went to some temple and we saw coins on the rooftops ! So yeah, we started doing the same. LOL. We acted like kids. Some locals saw us and started snapping pictures and what we did ? We posed for them. LOL. One of the photographers gave us a thumbs up after he took our picture. HAHAHA ! Epic much ?

They all said I looked like a star with my cap and this huge shirt. LOL.

Why is this kid so adorable ?!!?!?!?

Unglam picture of our bus driver...

We kept disturbing him about him trying to flirt the two girls that he brought along. LOL.

Half of the time we were disturbing him.

Sat on a boat AGAIN.

For the whole trip, I think we sat around 5-6 boats. ._.

Okay I honestly can't remember what day anymore x.x

But yeah... I'll just briefly talk about it.

Caught this performance which was really awesome too ! The lighting and everything. But the people sitting in front of us were really irritating cause they stood up and we couldn't see much.

Had tea sampling the next day, the person was explaining to us the benefits of tea etc.

And hell, the tea costed $50plus. So god damned broke.

Same pose LOLLOL. Et's piglet was always taken away, and my pillow... )':

Went to the SKYWALK the next day, there wasn't really much to see though. But one of the toilets was very unique ! You could see the view outside while you are like... doing your business or anything. LOLLOL. Nice idea.

We all love camwhoring. (;

Had starbucks !!! ^^ Thanks to Leon for treating us !

I swear the last night was the creepiest. The hotel... Gosh. Thinking back to it just makes me have goosebumps. Okay, but anyway, Nelson started saying eh, what should I give her sia ? Give me suggestions !!!! It sounds like he's gonna woo a girl, but he's not. He was just referring to a girl whom was his so-called secret friend whom he was supposed to take care of. But judging him, he didn't. LOL. So he chose to panic on the last day. So, as kind hearted as we are, we helped him. Especially the guys. LOL. The letters that they wrote on his behalf... Gosh, you'll only see those in ancient movies or some cheesy drama show. I think I'd have goosebumps reading those letters. So yeah, Norman & I helped him deliver the letter. But the corridor was just creepy... T.T We weren't the only ones living on that level too. There were loads of other weird people. So... after lots of complications and freaking out, we went to move into Charlotte's room. Fortunately we were all safe and out the next day ! Was so happy when I finally moved out of that hotel. GOSH.

Flying back to Singapore the next day. Home sweet home !

Really couldn't get used to Singapore's weather. It was x2 of Shanghai's temperature. ._.

View the rest of the pictures !

http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.2728152371869.147307.1499000508&type=1&l=ffbf765311

http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.2728406858231.147310.1499000508&type=1&l=dd3de950a6

http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.2728660064561.147314.1499000508&type=1&l=7e9f2720d3

Gonna head to Taiwan next Tuesday ! ^-^

Ghost Protocol.

2011-12-16T21:39:00.001+08:00

I wanna have a heart made of steel.

Caught a movie again. And as you can see by the title, yeah, it's Tom Cruise.
Overall, I'd give the movie a 4/5 ? I have no comments on that movie. LOL.
The next movie I wanna watch is TADA !

YES THIS. The trailer was just.... amazing.
Although I've never been in contact with the book nor seen this around. But my sister has mentioned it once or twice to me and after watching the trailer, I'm determined to watch it. LOL.

Been having such bad moods nowadays. And no, I'm not having my menstruation soon. LOL.
Everytime I'm around my parents, I tend to get in a bad mood.
They never fail to put me in a bad mood honestly. 8/10 times when I'm with them, that happens. Don't get me wrong, I love them. But I just can't stand how their mindset is. Honestly wonder if I'm 10 instead of 15.
Something else last night put me off in a honestly bad mood. But I shall not speak about it since thinking about it already dreads me. I kinda wished you just walked away, so that I wouldn't even notice that you were there in the first place.

Can't wait to head to Taiwan next Tuesday. It's the second time I've been there, but the shopping is just great !!!!! I wanna get more clothes and other stuffs. ^-^

Sometimes I really just wanna move out of my home.
To someplace far.

Basically, the intention of this post is to dedicate it to two people whom I'm quite thankful for.

Firstly, Tay !
She's one of the friends whom I've knew for around 6 years ? Yeah I admit, there has been some disputes between us now and then. But we still love each other to bits. (; She's really an awesome friend and we always do the craziest stuffs together. But she's the real crazy one from IMH hahah ! I think she's really pretty too !!! No wonder so many guys wanna woo her. But hey ! I'm first in line. HAHAHA. K, I'm starting to sound rather lesbian but I'm not. LOL. We always had those talks where we could be honest with each other. And yes when it comes to guys... It's rather complicated. But I remember how she would scold me cause I was so dumb that time. :/ Okay, I admit. I still suck at this thing called love. :/ And I like how she eats and I don't have to feel so awkward eating alone. LOL. To sum this whole thing up, I'm glad to have such a friend like her. ^^ Okay, speaking of her now, I miss her so much. ): Didn't really get to meet up with her during the holidays due to my hectic schedule and when I wanna meet her, something has to clash. Gosh. :/ Hi tay ! Let's talk soonnnnnn ~~~ Bet there are are many stuffs that we wanna tell each other yeah ? ^-^

Secondly, LIULIAN ! Just kidding, I meant Ragan.
Okay, firstly I must state something really important about him. He's really thick skinned till I have no idea on how to explain how thick is his skin anymore. And he has really cold jokes sometimes... Like he was making a joke about Ipad a few days ago, and my reaction was ._. ? Er................................ He started saying that I didn't have a sense of humor etc. T.T My sense of humor is high okay !! Tsktsk. Okay la, despite all him being such an ass at times. He has his good points too. He's very faithful (?) I guess. LOL. Really envy his bravery sometimes. He continued loving someone despite she leaving him and treating him so badly. I doubt I can ever do that if I were in his position. And I once had a reallyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy long h2h talk with him, for idk how many hours. Shocking right !!! Okay, thinking back, I'm kinda shocked too. OI LIULIAN, I WANNA H2H TALK SOON K ! HAHAHA. ^^

Someone's idea of perfect.

2011-12-14T22:43:00.003+08:00

Yeah... Sucks that my eyes are in this state now.
Despite dripping eyedrop, my eyes still feels terrible. ):
I'm still being hardworking and making this blog post though. :B *proud of myself*
Okay, actually I was just bored.
Headed out with mum and sis today and they wanted to catch a movie. So we watched Puss in Boots.
And PUSS IS SO DAMN CUTE WHEN HE GIVES THAT INNOCENT FACE. *heart melts*

Tell me this is cute ! Okay, IT IS CUTE. THERE'S NO EXCEPTIONS FOR IT.
Well, watching this taught me something. "There's something good in everyone."
No one was ever born evil/bad. Something changed them.
Laughed a lot throughout the movie. ^-^

Probably gonna work for the rest of the week and try and finish up my homework.
School's starting soon. In like less than 3 weeks. So... not to depress myself further, I'll spend the rest of my holidays wisely !

No photos at the moment since my eye is in this condition... :/
So yeah, I'll post a photo which me and Jie took. (:
Love that photo much !

Miss her much. Got so much to brag to her about !

Honestly, I've been feeling a stab of jealousy... Or I'd rather say envy these few weeks.
Sigh... It's a terrible feeling. It came to a point where I almost broke down in public.
No matter how hard I try to push out those negative thoughts in your mind, they just constantly haunt you down. Such annoying bastards they are.
2012, I honestly hope you're gonna be an awesome year since I'm having my last year in WGS and I really had enough of all these bullshits.

I wanna be happy. I'm gonna be happy.

Wicked.

2011-12-10T15:20:00.001+08:00

Caught a broadway musical, The Wicked this thursday with sis.
And yes, it was worth the money even though it was really a burn in the pocket.
We reached way too early and had no idea what to do besides walking all around Marina Bay Sands.
Had dinner at the food court even though it didn't really occurred to me it was a food court since it looked way too classy. LOL.
Had a walk outside and as usual, camwhored.

I honestly feel like I'm a tourist instead of a Singaporean at times since I haven't been to many places in town. :/
Yes, I know I'm like a caged bird. But there are still plenty of opportunities in the near future ! ^^

And yes, I think it's a must watch for everyone ! Okay... Maybe not everyone, but yeah, their vocals, acting and everything is just... flawless to me. You can get a lot of emotions just based on watching the musical alone, happiness, sadness, dreadfulness, shocked etc. I'm not exaggerating, it's just that awesome ! If I had the $$ to watch it again, I would. But... yeah, i don't. Sadly.

And tada ! Here's my ticket. ^^

And I think the moral of the play means that there are always two sides to everything. The wicked witch may have not been wicked, but rather, she might have been forced to do so. You'll never know. (:

This really applies to daily life too. Things aren't always one-sided.

There are many events that I haven't blogged about cause I'm far too lazy... x.x

If you wanna view the album, here's the link ! But there are really many random pictures from last year and this year. So yeah... Good luck on finding them !

http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.1733223339265.98360.1499000508&type=1&l=4a07cdd627

I promise to post about my china trip (part 2) before I leave for Taiwan ! :)

Another issue I wanna blog about is about people judging me.

And yes, I hate people judging me based on my looks alone.

Does being chubby mean fat ? Gosh.

It's the first time I've heard something so ridiculous.

Haven't you heard of baby fats ? Oh, I guess you haven't.

For your information, my weight is ACCEPTABLE. -.-

I can't help it if I'm chubby. It's not like I'm going for a beauty pageant or anything. And I wouldn't go for plastic surgery either.

I know it's just a mere comment by someone who didn't mean harm, but c'mon la, I'm a girl, I have self-esteem issues like anyone else. I don't like being commented by someone who only knows my name and face. If my grandma haven't took care of me, I'd probably be underweight now. And yes, I'm thankful for my grandma for taking such good care of me. So just keep the comments to yourself. :)

Time really flies and in a few weeks, school's starting again. It's a whole new year for me and yet I'm dreading it. Having O's next year isn't something to be happy about. I really suck at studying and my attention span in class is only 30 minute ? That's really short I know. I have no idea how am I gonna do well in O's either. ):

Okay, I shall not depress myself any further with thoughts of school and how am I going to survive it.

These few days have really been a rough one for me. I really have no idea on what I'm supposed to do and what I'm not supposed to. Sometimes, it's just my ego. I have far too much pride in me and I refuse to take the initiative. Yeah, I'm a really stubborn person sometimes. And because of my ego, many problems come after one another. My life sucks totally. Sometimes though, I just sincerely hope the best for someone even if it will only cause me misery. There comes a point in life you'll just do anything for someone even if it doesn't benefit you. Yeah, I've experienced that before. But sometimes you might just look back and wonder about how you were so young and naive.

I know I'm not the best girl out there and I have many flaws. But I just want you to know that I'll always be here for you even in your darkest days. I just hope that you'll be fine and safe. Gosh, I'm at a loss of words now. So I shall end my post here !

12/11 - 18/11

2011-12-04T10:13:00.001+08:00

Yes ! I finally managed to get my card reader after so long.
Okay, shall be blogging about my china trip now.

Day 1:
Didn't do much since we only arrived in Shanghai around late afternoon.
Jianping students had already arrived at the hostel and the guys there were really helpful in helping us carry our luggage down from the bus.
I was so lost as Eileen knew who was her buddy since she went during the june exchange programme in our school and I had not. So yeah, I was trying to list out the possibilities of who was gonna be my buddy.
Went up the put our huge luggage at the hostel and packed a small luggage over to our buddy's house. My buddy was taller and looked much more mature than me despite me being two years older than her. Fail much.
And tada ! This was my awesome buddy whom looked after me during my stay at her house and jianping.
Her mother was really nice as well as her dad. :)
P.S I really hate wearing turtlenecks. T.T

And yeah, her hyper active dog, YOYO ! <3

He can really be quite violent at times and that's when I start to get afraid.

Had dinner at her house which I only ate two dishes since I didn't eat pork and beef. Headed to the arcade later on along with Yi Ning (?) and Tricia. Spend loads of our time at the claw machine once again. An uncle caught me a monkey. But I swear he's damn persistent. Gosh, thinking back to that, it makes me wanna flare up at him. Then headed back to my buddy's house. Slept early since I was really tired cause I only had my sleep at around 1am and i had to wake up around 4am plus. I swear her bed was one of the most comfortable beds I've slept on. I slept for almost 10 hours !!!!! I get really happy when I get enough sleep. I think I would have slept more if her mother didn't wake us up.

Day 2: Had breakfast out with her family. Then her mum alighted back at their house and her dad were gonna drive, Yi Ning, Tricia, Ying Jun's buddy and Ying Jun out. We arrived at some street but there wasn't much to walk. Went to the aquarium next and then we decided to catch a movie. Had our lunch at COCO curry house, I loved the food there so much. T.T Especially the curry. Caught detective Conan at the cinema. :) Next, took the bus back to my buddy's house along with the rest. And taking the bus was a torture since the driver didn't bother much about smooth driving and I almost fell quite a few number of times. x.x Finally reached our destination and went back. Played poker and had loads of fun. Laughed so much. HAHAH ! The rest went home and my buddy asked me if I wanted to go out and have a walk cause her parents were gonna take Yoyo out for a walk around the neighborhood. The way Yoyo walks is so uber cute too. T.T Makes me wanna have a dog asap. Put Yoyo back into the house and then went to some restaurant at a shopping centre. I felt really bad cause I didn't eat a lot of stuff. Like goose liver. x.x I find it really gross. :/ Tried my best to eat a little despite it wasn't to my liking. I'm really grateful to them having to see to my needs and likings. (': Went to buy our breakfast for the next morning cause we had to attend school the next morning. Slept early and I woke up in the middle of the night thinking how long is it to 6 plus ? LOL. Fell back asleep and got woken up by my buddy's alarm. She got up first then woke me up after brushing her teeth. Was so afraid that I'll cause my buddy to be late so I gave up on eating my bread and changed quickly.

Photos for day 2: http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.2727932886382.147302.1499000508&type=1&l=294eb0986e

Day 3:

She sent me to the hall and left for her classes. Then dnt students came later, saw weizhong and darling !! Headed to the glass room next, camwhored with the rest and then heard the jianping students were gonna have their assembly soon. I swear it's so cool. They were marching in an orderly manner and came from all different directions ! Imagine that in my school, nobody would bother marching I guess. LOL.

Buddy came to the glass room along with the rest of the jianping students after their assembly. Norman told me that his buddy tried calling my buddy but couldn't contact her, so et and they went out together. Heard et's buddy was really sucky. :/ Went to my buddy's class to have lessons and when we went in, the teacher was quite nice to me. :) Everyone else just stared at me and darling as if we were aliens... x.x Poor darling couldn't understand a single word. :/ I was really falling asleep during class. x.x Darling and the rest of the dnt students left after lunch as for us, back to lessons. :/ I would have fell asleep if I could. Finally lessons were over and had dinner then back to the hostel after getting our supply of food. We had some problems with our lock so yeah, we were locked out of our room. After much complication, the auntie and uncle came. They tried opening but to no avail. So poor uncle had to go to the opposite room and climb out the window and break the window of our room. YES. I was really shocked. I was praying so hard for him. Yeah, he climbed into our room and opened the door for us to enter. We got locked out cause there was an inner lock that if we turned wrongly, not even using the key we would be able to enter. So yeah, we took really careful precautions. The guys except Nelson from my group came over to our room since I was far too lazy to go anywhere. Had loads of fun and I swear my reactions is really slow. T.T Had to do dares like dance cha cha with piglet. Gosh, I must be mad. It was late so the guys headed back while we went to bed. 3 people squeezed two beds cause et didn't want to be the one sleeping outside. And I swear that was the worst night I had. x.x

Photos of day 3: http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.2727932886382.147302.1499000508&type=1&l=294eb0986e

Day 4:

Woke up at 6plus and headed to jianping for wushu lessons and stamping lessons. I pretty much slacked during the wushu lessons. x.x Diligently did my stamp though. Yes I know, the N i did was kinda fail. But at least you can see that it's an N and it's unique right ?! *self praise* Went to some bookstore after that, got myself two discs, two books for my sister and one piano book for myself. The stuff there are seriously worth it. As in yeah, the price. What I was mad about that day was that I got cheated. -.- That gahjkfhjkgfjk bitch. I could have used that 100 yuan for something else. TSK. My friends got scammed too. We were all flipping mad about it. Gosh. Till now I'm still mad about it. Okay I'll just skip that part. Headed to some orchard-road like place, got myself a pair of high cut converse shoes. And yes, Norman & I got ourselves a deal. We could get something for example, 400 yuan instead of paying 4000 yuan. Norman totally shouted when he heard that. *embarrassing* My reaction was huh ? Ohhhh okay. LOL. I know I'm cold. :/ Got the jewellery for mum. And yes I was darn broke. Norman kept boasting around till I got sick of it x.x During the night, went to sit on a cruise (?) I got quite bored of the scenery after some time. Went back to the hostel after that and had fun with the rest of the girls in our dorm. Sinyee just kept sabotaging me. :/ Poor me. Slept well that night since I had the bed to myself. :B

Photos of day 4: http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.2728152371869.147307.1499000508&type=1&l=ffbf765311

Day 5:

Woke up at 6plus but I was so tired that I was unsure if i was awake or just dreaming. Still had to drag myself up and wake et and yingjun up. Et got so irritated by me cause I kept having to wake her up. Went to jianping once again and had morning lessons with my buddy. And when her partner saw me his reaction was just priceless. He complained about me coming cause he knew he had to move once again hahah ! As usual, lessons were boring. But her classmates were really nice to me cause they knew they wouldn't be seeing me after today. One of them brought me milk tea. The guy whom my buddy had to always chase when I went for classes gave me a sweet which was really shocking. One of the girls I only met on that day just digged out a notepad for me and gave it to me. I gave my buddy the whole packet of Yupi sweets that I had since I doubt that I could finish it. Some of the girls later gave me a waist hug. ._. Had pe with them and huiyu came to join me cause her buddy was running. Buddy and her classmates dragged me along to run with them and I did since I think I was growing fat. T.T Dragged huiyu along too. Ran one round and didn't even sweat. LMAO. I wish we had that kind of weather in Singapore. Gosh. Went shopping after lunch and yeah, some unhappy incidents happened. But all is well. Had dinner at some buffet style food court, the tour guide said he'd pay 50 yuan for each person, if we exceeded, we had to pay ourselves. Went to watch ERA: the intersection of time next. I swear the whole circus show was just breathtaking. Too bad no photography was allowed. But it was worth watching !! The risks they take. Gosh. The guys from my group came over once again, and yes, I wanted to sleep. But that stupid Norman wouldn't let me have my sleep and kept dragging me up. He even dragged me up. Urgh. Can't a girl have her beauty sleep ? :/ So ended up playing till 12plus.

Photos of day 5:
http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.2728152371869.147307.1499000508&type=1&l=ffbf765311

Day 6:
The whole dorm failed to wake up on time. We only woke up when et checked her phone and suddenly shouted it's 7 !!!!!! We were supposed to assemble at 7.15am. ._. We ended up going at 7.30am. :x So yeah, Mr Toh asked Kian Meng to go knock on our door at 6.30am the next morning. Went to some street next but didn't do much shopping around there. Had our lunch somewhere there too. The tour guide got yingjun a cake to celebrate her advanced birthday. :) Yeah, the candles on the cake were really cool. ._. Had our last dinner at the school and the cooks were really nice to prepare spaghetti especially for us. (': Went back to the hostel early and yeah, some incidents happened. But it's alright, everyone makes mistakes. Just hope mistakes won't be repeated. :) During the last minute, I got dragged into a dance which we had to do tomorrow. I really suck at dancing. I gave up cause I was having sore eyes so I headed to bed early. Et started to pinch my cheeks and all while I was half asleep. Gawr. T.T I woke up in the middle of the night to see the lights still on and the guys were still up awake in our room. Woke up at 6 plus to see the guys asleep in our room. LMAO. Yeah, the guys spent the night in our dorm and left Nelson back in the dorm. Tsk, what good friends are they. LOL.

Photos of day 6: http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.2728152371869.147307.1499000508&type=1&l=ffbf765311

Shall be stopping here for now. Shall continue the rest in my next post ! :D And yes, the pictures are mixed up in an album. x.x

Disappointment.

2011-12-01T23:06:00.001+08:00

Finally got my card reader today ! YESSSSS. I can finally upload my pictures. So I'll probably do that this weekend.

Went to zhenxiong's BBQ this Monday, I had a great time there. :) Yeah, the guys went drunk. Well, not all though. Idk what happened after I left, but heard almost all of them were drunk. :/
Was worried about Tiffany most since she was the only girl out of us that stayed over.
Thanks to shantel's dad for sending me back home. :)
I swear he's damn cool.
The thing I regretted on that day was forgetting my camera.
Sigh. Hopefully I won't forget about taking my camera along with me this Saturday. ._.

Okay, there are a few people that I wanna dedicate this post to.

A close friend of mine.
I'm sorry for being such a constant disappointment to you. I know I made you cry, and made you feel so upset so many countless times. I wanted to make it up to you during the trip, but still, i guess it didn't work out. Yeah, what's the use of me saying sorry now ? The past can never be changed anyway. No matter how hard I try, maybe it just isn't enough... Even if you have given hope that I'll change my ways, I just wanna let you know that, you'll always be one of my closest friends that I've shared my secrets to. Even if I'm not with you most of the times, I'll always be here when you need me. <3

Dearest.
I just wanna let you know that you're one of the best girlfriends I've seen alright ?
Things may seem stormy now, but after the storm, something better will emerge.
Once in a while, stuff like these happens. No matter what, be there for each other. Don't let a little thing tear you two apart, think about the times you two have gone through. I know that you'll be fine. :) Dont overthink as overthinking leads to negative thoughts ! Stay strong. <3

Myself.
Stop envying people. Yeah, I know they have perfect lives. I gotta think positive and the great things I have in life. I don't wanna feel inferior anymore.

2011-11-25T15:31:00.001+08:00

I'm finally back from china. ^-^
Yeah, 12 days is rather long but still, there were many fun times during my stay there.
I'll probably blog next week or something about my overall trip next week since I lost my card reader and can't upload photos for now. :/
I feel like a lazy bum now since I'm just sitting in front of my computer and refusing to do anything else.
I just wanna sleep. LOL.
Okay, I'm seriously damn lazy and tired. T.T
Shall blog next time ! :)

If heartache was a physical pain, I still could fix it.

2011-11-07T23:00:00.003+08:00

Love group photos. :)

Sadly, it wasn't the whole class though.

Really miss some of the guys already. Sigh.

And yes, I dyed my hair.

Shared half of the bottle with ET.

ET and Yujie helped me with the foam and I was saying ouch most of the times cause of ET grabbing my hair so violently. x.x

But still, satisfied with the results ! Thanks babes ! ^^

Can't really remember what I did this week.

But had booster for the whole week and mostly hung out with Erilea, Alexi, Ragan and the rest.

It somehow feels like the past where we hang out in a group.

Love the feeling of it cause I can laugh so hardly till my stomach hurts.

I need more of that.

Will be heading to China next Saturday.

It'll be a 12 days trip.

I just hope everything goes well.

And pray that the worst doesn't come.

Idk why I'm so worried about you instead of myself.

Sigh. I'm just gonna get hurt again the end i know.

Been so low on self esteem lately.

Everytime I look in the mirror, and I only can find one word to describe myself.

Imperfect.

I hate how I'm so tanned.

I hate how I have such deep panda eyes and huge eye bags.

I hate how chubby and round my face is.

I hate how short i am.

YES. I hate a lot about myself.

And yet I can't change a shit about them. Zzz.

No one actually gives a shit about your personality at first impression.

It's the truth. No matter how much they say it's the personality that counts.

Life is honestly that unfair.

And I really tend to dislike people whom have nothing better to do then to find trouble. zzz.

And I dislike wannabe gangsters.

You started the fire and yet you just let it burn instead of putting it out.

And what's worst, you added oil to the fire.

Who wouldn't be mad ?

And I dislike whenever you go complain to someone older just cause you know that person is gonna help you.

And I can't believe a senior that's older is still acting so immature.

You'd rather throw away a friendship that lasted for this long over some immature people.

Honestly, even if I don't know much and don't have any rights to comment, I know clearly who's in the wrong.

Don't say that just cause that person is my friend that's why I side that person.

Well, for your information, I could ask any stranger and they'd say my friend did nothing wrong.

I don't care if you didn't mean it or anything, the words have already been said, you cant take them back anymore.

Yes, I'm not a role model or some student whom has good grades and appearance.

But I know what I see and hear.

If my friend call it quits, I'll call it quits too, as simple as that. :)

I really like how honest you're with me and how much you're changing.

I can see that you're trying to be a better person.

Thanks so much for everything.

The texts, the efforts etc.

There are so many words I wish to say, but I just can't express it.

Life as it seems to be.

2011-11-01T22:09:00.000+08:00

Sorry people, I won't be blogging about happy stuff nowadays.

There comes a period of time when you feel like everything's crashing down on you.

People may say ahla, there she goes again, yapping about how sad and miserable her life is etc.

Honestly, do I look like I give a damn to what you say ?

YES. I should be happy to be alive etc, but I'm a normal human being too.

I'm a normal teenager with teenage problems.

Just keep your mouth shut if you have no idea what I'm going through.

You don't have to read this if you don't want to.

Stop judging me and start pointing fingers.

Sometimes, I just stare in the mirror and can hardly recognise myself anymore.

I mean, not the looks. But just the attitude and all.

Even my parents and peers said I changed.

I really hate how much I've disappointed my parents yet it seems so hard for me to change back.

Whatever I did today, the first people I thought of, was my parents.

I hate it when I thought of their disappointed and upset faces.

But... yea. Sigh.

I know, that's just a small matter to people nowadays, but you won't understand how much it can hurt my parents.

I may seem I'm happy among other people and peers.

But when I'm alone, my thoughts tend to go wild.

That's the reason I tend to try & go home late.

Not because I dislike my family and my home, I just can't stand it when my thoughts run wild and I just feel so weak and helpless.

No matter what I do and how busy I get, I still have the time to think about stuff.

I know I should be contented with life already. With such supportive friends and family whom are always there for me no matter what.

But the problem just doesn't lie there.

I know I could have saved myself from so much heartache if I wasn't involved in a relationship etc, but come on, when your feeling is there, would you think so much ?

Yes, I know I don't deserve to complain since I decided to go into a relationship in the first place and caused myself so much trouble and heartache.

If you never experienced it, you won't know how it feels okay.

Sometimes I'm really happy that you said you've changed cause of me.

But at times, I just feel numbed to whatever you say.

I really wish I could just put my 100% feelings into you, but... I just can't.

I hate how I'm honestly feeling now.

I really like it when you act... normal.

But I dislike how you give me false hopes at times.

But now, my heart is numbed already.

Nothing matters anymore.

I never intended to.

2011-10-29T15:10:00.000+08:00

Last day of school yesterday and honestly... I didn't really want school to end.

Cause that would mean that everybody's gonna move on again.

I detest seeing my friends staying back and yet nothing can change the fact about it.

I really miss them all... Seeing people tear up makes me wanna tear too.

Some of them have been classmates with me for 3 years and yet we can't be in the same class for the last year. It's really heartbreaking.

Nevertheless, I hope for the best for them in the future and let's strive hard for next year alright !

Don't give up. We'll always be there for you. :)

Rock on guys. \m/

(Before)

(After)

Had lunch with Jingyi after school yesterday and headed to her house for rebonding.

The process took longer than usual somehow. :o

I did a very stupid thing when I went home... Shan't elaborate since I feel like smacking myself when I think about it. x.x

AND YES, I find my hair very weird !!!!!!!

Is it cause of my frindge ? >:

Somebody tell me x.x

GAWRRR. Every time I look in the mirror I just find my hair weird....

I suddenly prefer my old hair. >:

I'm so excited about my china trip on 12 November ! It's like two weeks away. *excited*

But... I'm so gonna miss you. ):

If only wifi was all over the place and china didn't ban facebook. -.-

I really can't bear to leave. Sigh.

(Okay people, if you dont wanna get sick of me being emotional & etc. STOP READING ONWARDS !)

Don't say I didn't warn you.

I came so close to losing you yesterday. It was the first time I felt like that since I met you.

When I got that text, the feeling was so...overwhelming.

You know the feeling when somebody tells you something bad ? Your heart just feels something. Yeah, I got that feeling last night. I have no idea how to explain it, it's one of those stuff you've got to experience it yourself then you'll understand.

I'm so glad I didn't just let go and let things die.

Cause I know how hard things are going for you and me.

You don't wanna hurt me that's why you made that choice however, your feelings were still the same.

But I can tell you that, I don't mind. Your moodswings, attitude and personality are whom you're.

No matter how hard it is to handle at times, I know I have to accept who you are.

We aren't perfect, we both have flaws. You accepted me for whom I am, now it's my turn.

I'm so glad that you were honest with me about your feelings and you're making the effort.

Thank you for everything.

You taught me how to move on and how I could forget about him.

It's gonna be difficult and messy, but I'm gonna try.

This shit is crazy.

2011-10-27T23:08:00.000+08:00

Loads of events happened in this past few days. Been so moody and I swear I'm going mad with all my thoughts.

It really sucks to be figuring out everything on your own and not having someone whom can really understand your emotions and feelings. Some think that things are simple and plain but the truth is, they aren't really that simple. The person you see smiling happily in school may be facing something that you can't even think of. If life was that simple, why are so many people still depressed and upset ? Shouldn't the world be a happier place ?

Honestly, life's so complicated now and I'm tired of trying to fit the pieces together.

Still, shall summarise my week.

Got so sick of using the tab button to hover around websites so I finally got my mouse.

(Yes, I'm that patient and dumb to use the tab button to use the computer.)

AND FINALLY. I don't have to use the tab button anymore.

Didn't get to attend the SEP this tuesday. Sigh. :/ The instructor treated them to mac's. Good stuff always happens when I'm not around. Sadistic much.

Went down to Bugis with Yujie yesterday to accompany her in search of a present for her bf.

But we ended up getting more stuff for ourselves hahaha !!

Spent about $60 yesterday. Sigh, it's so hard to earn $ yet so easy to spend it. Zzz.

But I'm quite satisfied with the stuff I got yesterday. ^^

Got myself a bag, two shirts and a crop tee.

Met with Shantel, Tiffany & Jenna later on. :) Had much fun with them. :)

Legs were aching so much since I didn't sat for almost 6-7 hours. Was so relieved when i finally got to sit. Overall, had an enjoyable day with them ! :)

Probably heading back there next week to get more stuff with ET !

I NEED $$$$$$$$.

I really hate how you always wanna argue over the littlest things.

I know you dislike some of the stuff I do, but can't you understand a little ?

I dislike the stuff you do too.You know how hard it is to ask myself to calm down cause of your attitude ?

Whenever you're mad, I'll try my best to cheer you up and give in.

Why cant you do the same ? Change for a little will you ?

Even if it's not for me, think of your future. Not everyone will have the same patience as I do.

You have no idea how much your words hurt. I know you're sensitive to a lot of stuff, but can't you see how much I'm trying ?

The first thing I do every morning is to text you and figure out how am I gonna contact you when you being in Malaysia & we can't text that much since the bills are like bombs.

I'm always worried that you'd get mad if I get home too late.

I reply you as quickly as I can and yet... it's still not enough.

I wished there was one day we could talk normally...

Yesterday, honestly, it scared me so much to see you being like that.

Actually, it scares me to see how mad you can be.

I wonder how I would feel if I saw those in real life. Probably the image will be etched in my mind.

I wished you'd have more faith in me. I said I wouldn't leave. Unless... there's a day when you decide to leave me to fend for myself.

I just want you to know that, no matter how worst you can get, I'll stay.

Unless I really have a need to leave.

For now, let's just be with each other and hopefully we'll be able to change one and another.

I never intended to like you this much... But it just happened.

Define love.

2011-10-22T21:13:00.001+08:00

Shall start on what I did on Thursday.
First, had breakfast with Tay, and as usual we were late. Always failing to be punctual. LMAO.
After that, headed to meet Matilda for lunch and to update my phone's software. Long heart to heart talks with her. Felt so much better after talking to her. :) Better than feeling like crap. Guess in a way or another, we are quite similar. Sincerely hope things will go smoothly for her.
Life is always so unpredictable and full of surprises.
And yes, I failed in trying to update the software of my phone. Sony Ericsson, you suck. My version is 1.6 and your newest version is 2.1. How does my version look like it's the latest to you ? -_- I wanna change my phone like NOW. And I guess I won't be getting an Sony Ericsson phone anymore since the newer models of them are giving me and my friends so much trouble.

Had the maths trail on Friday. And I wasn't looking forward to it at all. Throughout the journey, I could only think of one thing. Which was sleeppppppp. You can say I'm really deprived of sleep since I can't sleep past 8 hours a day for some ridiculous reason which I can't seem to find. Our destination was at the central business district and I can honestly say, I didn't gain much learning from it. Ohyes, even though Mrs Choo isn't my subject teacher and she couldn't be bothered with my existence, I think she's really funny and an awesome teacher to have. I still remember how she ran just to withdraw money from the ATM machine. LOL. Normally teachers wouldnt do stuff like these in the public but like who cares ? Teachers are humans too, we have to be a little more understanding at times. :)
I was so elated and happy about the news I got from her too. At least my efforts didn't go to waste. (':
But I hope the others won't give up too. I believe in you all ! ^^
Continue to strive harder !
After school headed to slack with the rest and then home. :)
Didn't attend sister's graduation day cause I wasn't really interested in it... Stayed overnight at grandma's and then woke up early for CIP programme today. I almost fell back asleep at 7.10am since I was really way too tired. :/ Fortunately I managed to reach the design fusion room in the nick of time.
Overall, I managed to learn balloon sculpting which I'm quite proud of. ^^ I was gonna give up on trying to learn it but... somehow I was still able to succeed in learning it. :)
Thanks to Melvin C, yujie etc for guiding me throughout the steps ! ^^
And I really think the kids were really adorable ! :) I hope things will go well for them in the future and for them to do well too ~

---

Not everyone in life can always stand your moodswings and attitude problems . Doesn't mean I keep quiet at times and am just too lazy and tired to argue with you means I don't take that into heart.
Honestly, you weren't supposed to mean this much. And btw, you forgot. It's alright. I'll remember.

Crashing down

2011-10-20T17:58:00.001+08:00

Went to Matilda's house today to update the version of my very lousy xperia x10 mini pro, but the stupid software said I had the latest version already when I didn't. It's damn brainless. -_-
So in the end, didn't get to update. Sigh... Wish I could just change my phone like now.
Had fun browsing through videos and stalking people though. LMAO !
Overall, quite a fruitful day. ^^ Had a heart to heart talk with her too. :) feel so much better than I did last night. I hope I don't suddenly go to depression mode tonight cause I really felt so terrible last night. Spent 3 hours pondering about life or my mind is totally blank for a while. Have no idea what my mind wants from me LOL. I think I'm gonna cry tomorrow... Seriously dislike seeing my friends going through all that. Some people may think that they went overboard some may think that they didn't. But still, my point of view is that I believe there's a reason to everything. I just hope that they'll learn from this experience and be alright. And that their classmates and peers will always be there for them no matter what happens. :) Stay strong guys...

I really wish that there is a day that we don't have to spend scolding each other or we have to endure each other's attitude... I really miss the old us. Where we talked about normal stuff and we didn't curse and swear at each other. Have I given in too much that led to this ? I have no idea what to do sometimes you know ? Don't know if I should give in or give you a piece of my mind. But it's just too much to take sometimes. I'm really exhausted trying to keep up with your temper and all. I really like it when we talk and everything's alright with just normal joking and fooling around. Those times are really rare now though... You apologize, but it isn't enough if you aren't willing to change. You told me you didn't want to talk about your past even though you trust me. I just wanna let you know that I won't judge you based on your past alright ? Everybody makes mistakes, there's still hope for you to change. It's just up to you if you wanna change or not. But I decided not to pursue the matter since I could see that it was upsetting you. I said as long as you changed for the better, that doesn't matter anymore. You said you'd change for me. I hope you'll... Even if it's not for me, I just want you to be a better person for your own sake. I wish I could honestly read your mind to see what's on your mind. If it's what I think it is, I'll go and leave you to be. I honestly have no idea what you want. I really hate making you upset, but I really need to know. Cause I'm so torn between my feelings and my mind.

Hi...

2011-10-18T20:48:00.001+08:00

Okay... So I made a mistake. Turns out what I assumed wasn't true. You're still single but somehow you said till like you were attached. Hah. But doesn't matter anymore. None of it matters.
I'll throw everything away from my mind. The memories and everything. Those used to mean a lot, but now it's nothing but its just a story that ended. Please, don't remind me of him anymore. He was just someone that came and taught me a lesson that I would never forget. He's nothing but someone I used to know. I admit I still think of him and memories of us just pops out all of a sudden. But slowly, I know I'll forget every single one of them. Bye.

I need to get on with life. Someone loves me for who I am, no matter how much I can be such a bitch at times pushing him away etc. Even though it's really complicated and I have no idea how to explain it. But all matters for now is that things stay the way it should be. You're here with me and I'm here with you. I'm prepared for the future. I know things won't be able to last but I'll cherish every time now. However I'm hoping that you'll stay.
I realized that I always see you when I want to. Coincidence ? Idk. But I'm glad I saw you today.

Friends have been telling me that I used to be happier. At least I wouldn't suddenly go quiet all of a sudden and decide not to talk.
I really had no idea. But sometimes it's just that I really don't feel like talking to anyone and I decide to just shut up and my mind's in a blank all of a sudden. I just stare into blank spaces yet think about nothing. Weird or what ?

I hope you are happy.

2011-10-16T18:34:00.001+08:00

Computer's mouse died on me today. -.-
Using my itouch to post this post now. Feel so weird not having my computer to do a blog post. :/
But I think blogger's app isnt that bad either. :)

Been really exhausted nowadays yet I can't sleep well. -_- sucks to be me.
Hopefully I'll be able to sleep well tomorrow or else I'm gonna fall asleep once again in school.

Just sent dumbass off to sleep since he wasn't feeling well.
Think he caught a cold or something while he went camping. :/
Hope he's alright though.

It really sucks to see that my friends are going through such hard times yet I can't do anything about it.
I don't know if I should console them by telling everything's alright when I know it's not. Cause honestly, I know how it feels. No matter what people said to me, it didn't change a fact about what has happened.
One of them asked me why I was so positive about life ? And how I was able to be so strong ? The truth is, I'm not always positive about life. At times I really felt like ending things once and for all. But I know the consequences of my actions that was what stopped me. The people whom loves me etc. I can imagine the look on their faces. So yeah. It isn't worth it. There's always someone out there who cares about you no matter how lonely you feel. And I'm hardly close to being strong. There are many situations that I've come so close to tearing and actually teared. I'm just an average human being. I do have feelings and whenever I'm depressed, I do cry sometimes.
But life can't go on being upset all the time, you gotta stand up strong for yourself. Not everyone is gonna be there for you all the time. Not even your closest kin.
Life may be bleak now, but it doesn't mean it's for forever. Have a little faith. :)

I heard you got a new girlfriend.
It didn't hurt that much as i thought it would.
I hope you're happy. :)
Treat her well.

Random shits.

2011-10-11T22:24:00.001+08:00

Okay, I'm being random here since I'm so darned bored now that exams are over. Hmm.
Okay, I guess I'll be posting about the most randomest shit ever, hope you guys dont mind ! ^^

First off, have been listening to Conor Maynard's covers !
His voice is so goddamned sexy I swear. T.T It's kinda hard to find voices like that nowadays.
If only my future husband had that kind of voice, I wished he wouldn't ever shut up. LOL.
K, I'm dreaming too much. But nevertheless, do visit his channel ! :D
http://www.youtube.com/user/skillzaisherebooya
There are many cover singers out there that I listen to too ! Examples: Sam Tsui, Tyler Ward, Christina Grimmie, Megan Nicole, Boyce Avenue, Tiffany Alvord, Alex Goot etc.
They are just so talented. T.T If only I had half of their talents... :/

Okay, now that exams are over, I should probably spend my time thinking about how am I gonna spend my holidays.
Not gonna be searching for a part-time job I guess, since i won't be able to work for long.
But I kinda need $$ for my shopping etc, sigh. Money is almost everything in this world seriously. No matter how much people try and deny it's not, it is.Without money, we don't even need to have education.
And without education, no job. And ta-da, no $$ ~~
I really hope I don't faint after seeing my results. I just wanna be promoted to 4E, I swear I'll be forever grateful and start working hard.
Ohyes, I was so pissed just now that I just wanted to gave a smack on her face.
I was so close to my limits and honestly, I didn't want to do something that I would regret. So yea, I didn't do so. Thank god.
Wrists were hurting so much cause I had been practising for 3 freaking hours. Didn't drink or ate anything since 12.30, how can anyone not be pissed ?
Oh, and including lectures there and back home. Any normal being would be pissed.
Sorry I can't be the person that you want me to be. But that's who I am.

Before I go, I'm gonna make this clear, I'm not anyone's replacement. Accept me for who I am cause that's who I am.

Lies.

2011-10-10T12:56:00.001+08:00

I swear I'm the worst person ever.
I have no control over my thoughts anymore.
My feelings ? Doesn't even feel like they're mine anymore.
It sucks to be in such confusion.

I still cant believe in you no matter how much I want to... You said you'll stay etc, but by your character, I know you'll just get bored eventually. I mean who doesn't ? I get bored of myself too. What we feel isn't love. I'm positive about it. I hate it whenever I wanna give up and let go, you just suddenly pop out from nowhere and pull me back. I don't wanna fall for something I know that's just gonna end up hurting myself. I thought I wouldn't get to see you anymore and yet... you were just there. Fate or mere coincidence ? But I still can't bring myself to face you so I chose to turn away when our eyes met. I have no idea how I'm feeling anymore, yesterday, I was afraid of losing you. I don't know how you felt but you did put in the effort to bring me back. I'm honestly sorry about yesterday... I don't know what I want. I wished I knew too. I hate myself for being such a bad person and everything else. I can't believe I lied about my feelings... I know I'm such a bitch etc, but it's not like I want this to happen either. Im feeling as bad and guilty.
I hate how you're such a jerk and yet you're able to make me feel that you actually care about me. I hate how some of the lies you say can be so convincing. I hate how we're so screwed up in our lives and somehow found our way to each other and affect each other so much. I hate how we act like we don't give a shit each other. I hate whenever we see each other, we just look away. I hate how we keep each other as a secret most of the times. I hate it that despite I don't feel the love for you, I still care. This whole issue sucks so much. I have so much to say yet I can't bring the words out. I hate being so confused about everything and now that my exams are over, I can't find something to distract me.

Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend

2011-10-09T15:45:00.000+08:00

That would surely be... a korean girl named Cindy !
Idk her well, but she's Joohwan's friend from korea.
She's really polite and friendly !
No matter how much she had difficulties typing english, she tried her best to talk to me.
I wished I knew better korean and then she wouldn't have such a hard time talking to me. T.T
But nevertheless, it's nice knowing her and having a cyber friend from korea. That's so cool.
Thank god we have something in common and that's k-pop.
I'm not a big fan of it, but I do listen to it and know some of the bands.
Hope she'll be online and talk to me soon ~~~

[Previous post was from last year's june i think, I just striked out the posts I did and bam, it appears on the recent post. -_-]

Caution to love.

2011-10-09T15:38:00.000+08:00

Well this week has been quite a fruitful one for me, been experiencing alot. But overall, I'm happy and contented. (: everything's going okay now and I want it to stay so. It's cousin's birthday tomorrow and sadly I won't be celebrating it with her, I've got exams and it's not really a big event. I'm like being bombed by homework and revision so yea rarely have got the time to go out. But soon ! (: my birthday's approaching and it's a long weekend next week.
Somehow I see people feeling emotional nowadays and I really dk what to say to them, I've experienced similiar feelings but I know whatever I say things won't change so yea I only could tell them things would go okay and don't think too much in it. Somehow I doubt my words sometimes hahah. Some people make me mad like hell. I wanna scream into their freaking face and get over with it. But because of my friends, I bear with it but inside I really hate them. Oh well.
Headed to meet vanni on Wednesday. Then went into rss again, I'm so not used to keeping my phone in my bag and not taking it out ! And I told her some stuff uh, she told me not to think so much and ya, things are going smoothly and all don't cause trouble for myself nor that person. She say she don't treat me as girl sia, wtf. Is she not girl ah, always hit me in primary school. Who's not the girl huh :P hahah. She suddenly SMS me during the night telling me some shocking news I went WTF ?! Ew. No way. LOL.
I really hate biased teachers man. -.- they don't care about your feelings one and keep giving those faces and sacarsm. I have the urge to not do their homework but yea for my own sake I do. But I really don't like them !!! -.- Friday Cindy, szeping and limin headed to my house for lip sync project. Kinda hilarious.
And to my dearest girl C,
don't broad too much, fish those who doesn't appreciate you. Sorry for the past and I really did see you trying to change. So yea, thanks for everything and remember I'll always be there for you k ! Don't say I pangseh you (:

iloveyou. (:

55 Letters:
~~Day 1 — Your Best Friend~~
Day 2 — Your Crush
~~Day 3 — Your parents~~
~~Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)~~
~~Day 5 — Your dreams~~
~~Day 6 — A stranger~~
~~Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush~~
~~Day 8 — Your favorite internet friendDay 9 — Someone you wish you could meet~~
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
~~Day 15 — The person you miss the most~~
~~Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country~~
~~Day 17 — Someone from your childhood~~
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
~~Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression~~
~~Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to~~
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
~~Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror~~
Day 31 - A celebrity that inspires you
Day 32 - Something you carry with you every where and why
Day 33 - A letter to anonymous
~~Day 34 - A song that makes you cry~~
~~Day 35 - Describe your life one year ago~~
~~Day 36 - Your definition of love~~
Day 37 - Your first pet
Day 38 - Favorite beverage
Day 39 - Something you strongly believe in
Day 40 - 50 things you like and 50 things you dislike
Day 41 - Five songs you would have to have on a deserted island and why
~~Day 42 - Your favorite quote~~
~~Day 43 - A letter to someone you miss~~
Day 44 - Your dream wedding in detail
Day 45 - Your worst nightmare
Day 46 - The most disappointing night of your life
~~Day 47 - One family member you can not stand~~
Day 48 - The one person that hurt you the most
Day 49 - A secret ambition
Day 50 - Your favorite food
~~Day 51 - A random fact that nobody knows about you~~
Day 52 - Your dream car
Day 53 - An occupation you strive for
Day 54 - Your favorite thing to wear
Day 55 - A list of what you have learned about life in the past 30 days.
._.

Everything will find a way.

2011-10-09T14:53:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow's the last paper for me yet I'm slacking my ass off here. LOL. But honestly, there's nothing much I can study for e maths.
I can only hope that the paper will be easy. T.T
Paper 2 was a killer, I just hope paper 1 will be able to help me in getting a pass. That's all I'm asking for.
Feel so shag cause I only slept at 1am and woke up at 2am just to reply texts. And then fell back asleep at 3am and woke up at 8.30am this morning. And damn, I wanna go to 2pm's concert, but the price is depressing to look at. And thinking about the disadvantages of a concert, I don't wanna go anymore HAHAHA !

Ohyes ! It's my dear faithful partner's birthday today !! Her birthday this year is so cool I know. 091011.
Knew her since I was secondary 1 and she's a real awesome friend even though she can be quite auntie at times, but that makes her looks deceiving right ? (;
These 3 years, we have had many stories to say regarding our friendship. We were in a clique but then it somehow grew apart, but we're still close. ^^ I enjoy talking to her about my problems or try and catch up sometime when we walk together, cause her house is real near our school, I have only like 15 minutes to talk to her before we part. ): We are in the same school yet there's so little time to talk to each other.
Hey fp ! I miss talking to you. ): Let's hang out soon okay ! And gossip like nobody's business ! ^^ Enjoy your day and love ya ! <3

And for now, I'm contented as long as I have you by my side. I may not be able to totally put the past behind me yet, but I'm slowly doing so. Yesterday's conversation really assured me. Even though I'll be really upset tomorrow... I know I'll be alright. :) I will believe in you. :)

Stay.

2011-10-08T21:08:00.001+08:00

Thank you for reassuring me now and then.

This I promise you. I'll stay for as long as you need me.

Everything will end today.

2011-10-07T18:58:00.001+08:00

Today will be the last day I'm crying for you. I swear. No more. I really need to move on no matter how much I wish I had you back. But I know, it's impossible anymore. No matter what you did to me, you were the one who loved me at my worst. Now it's time that you give that feeling to someone else, even if it's not for me.
It may hurt now and then, but I'm alright. I'm still breathing, I'm still learning how to love myself more.
Today will be the day I leave the memories for others. I cried so hard today cause I was unwilling to let go. But I know whats best for me and you. No point clinging when your heart isn't with me anymore. Forcing you to stay will just be selfish. Those 9 months will be the best memories for me till better memories replace them. It doesn't matter if we meet someplace or if you decide to suddenly contact me anymore. I decided stop everything. Even if I see you now, i'll just walk past. I can't forgive you now, maybe not soon. But in the future, maybe I will. Who knows ? But for now, goodbye. I had enough. I will cry till I have no tears to shed anymore. I'll cry till my sorrows are gone.

--

For now, I need time to sort things out. I'm not loving anyone for now. I just need a break from all these. I know I shouldn't give up the whole forest just cause of a tree, but you honestly won't know how I feel till you experienced it. But for now, I just wanna heal my wounds. I want to live past each day having something to smile about. People may not be there for me all the time but I can be there for myself.
I don't blame you for not being there for me when I needed you most. I don't blame you for ignoring me now. After all, I was the one who didn't even bother to turn and look at you when you walked past me. Maybe you thought I was just playing with you but I swear I wasn't. But... does that matter anymore ? I really have no idea if you're gonna talk to me anymore. But whatever it is, I'm sorry... I really have no idea what to make things right anymore. I swear I will if you'd just give me a text now. But it's impossible. But I'm glad I saw you today.

Still being strong.

2011-10-06T14:23:00.001+08:00

Everything creases to fade. Including us.
Maybe I'm reading too much into things, maybe I'm not.
But I need to be prepared still.
"bye", that word can mean so much.
But honestly, I don't really feel much. I admit, I do feel a little, but not that much. Cause my heart's numbed to you and all these.
All these while I've been so careful about getting hurt again.
You don't know how it feels to take caution in everything and how much I have to remind myself.
It's like living in fear constantly.
I don't know how you think, but I doubt I would want to know either. Cause I know the truth will sting. But sometimes knowing the truth would save me from my thoughts and doubts. But I'm alright, I'm still staying strong. :)

Thanks for being part of my life though. You honestly made me stronger than I thought I could ever be.

It doesn't matter if you keep your promise anymore, cause promises are meant to be broken anyway. I won't believe in them anymore. No point clinging to a promise that's gonna be broken sooner or later.

There is gotta be a reason why it is not forever.

2011-10-05T15:18:00.001+08:00

Urgh, been real busy with exams nowadays. But somehow I think I'm gonna flunk most of them. ): AGAIN.
Especially maths, I was never good at it.
I really need to work harder if I get promoted, I really hope I do get promoted. ):
Alright, enough of studies ~

I guess I'm kinda contented with life now. :)
I don't think you need to be attached to be happy. For me, I'm contented with people whom care for me and are always there for me. :)
I think I'm very blessed to have people whom I can turn to most of the time and share my joy with me. I'm honestly thankful for all those. Cause I can't imagine life without them.

I don't really bother if you suddenly disappear for a few days anymore, guess that's what you call being numb ?
Life can go on still, I like you, but doesn't mean I can't go on without you. I admit, I don't miss you that much as I did in the past. I'm really numb to all these. But I'm happy when you actually care to talk to me and make the effort to. Like when your prepaid was low, you used your bro's phone to text me. And when you're in Malaysia, you bother to fb message me. :) and these few days, you texted me first thing when you woke up. :) these may not mean a lot to many people, but it actually means a lot to me. Thank you. :)
I may get pissed with your words at times, but I'll try to bear with it. All the best for your exams anyway. :)

I pray for this heart to be unbroken.

2011-10-03T11:49:00.001+08:00

I'm sorry for being so insecure about everything.
I wanna love again without worrying about anything and I don't have to constantly worry about that certain person will leave me to fend for myself once again.

I guess it take real courage to love again after being so hurt.
And I guess... I fell for you. More than I intended to.
But, obviously we won't last. But I'm alright with it. As long as I remember now and the memories you brought to my life and helped me move on.
No matter how hurt am I with your actions and words sometimes, I'll continue to be with you. Maybe it's the only way I can try and move on.
Sorry if I can't put my 100% feelings into you, it's the memories that's holding me back.
It's an endless struggle between my memories and me. I wanna move on, but guess I have to try harder to go away from my past.
It haunts me daily whenever I'm alone and quiet.
No matter how much I can't put the past behind me, I have to.
Even if I want the memories back, I wouldn't want you back. This pain is really unbearable for me.
I don't get how things change seriously... It seems so long ago now.
I feel like crying every sorrow out, but what's the point of crying anymore ? It wouldn't change anything.
But I know, one day I'll be able to get over this. I hope I really do.

Thanks to him, I can smile and laugh at idiotic texts.
Thanks to him, I actually feel like someone's putting an effort to talk to me.
Thanks to him, I was able to be stronger.
Thanks to him, I feel loved.
Thanks to him, for everything.
No matter how the future turns out to be, I made this choice. I won't regret it. I'm prepared for the future when you leave and move on.

Time will prove everything.

2011-09-30T16:24:00.001+08:00

Thanks so much for screwing up my life.
I still think about you whenever I walk past the places we've been.
Do you ?
Hah, I bet not. Cause you're too preoccupied with her.
Honestly, less than 2 weeks spent with her is able to replace our 9 months plus relationship. Shows a lot about you.
I'd rather you not contact me k. I don't care. I honestly don't.
Go ahead and enjoy your fucking life with her. Let me live mine. How much more damage do you wanna inflict to my life ? There's always a limit to everything. And if you've got enough guts to do it, admit it. You were the one who decided to end this, don't fucking push all the blame to me and make me seem as if I was the one whom caused this to end. Ask yourself, how many times you hurt me ? And how many break ups you initiated. Have a conscience please. Or has your conscience been eaten ?
Honestly, I can remember every shit you did to me. And how many lies you said.
Hah, I can remember what your friend said, oh, he won't break your heart. In the end ? Ask him how many times has he did so.
You'll love me forever and always ? Oh, forever turned out to be a few months.
You won't ever leave me. Oh, how many times have you did ?
During our first/second month, you told me you couldn't celebrate with me cause you were heading out with your friends. I forgave you for that, but guess what I found out ? You went out with that slut. YES. THAT SLUT. she doesn't deserve to be called by her name.
The day you came back from overseas, you told me that you missed me. But yet you chose to break up with me on that faithful day. Why bother lying to me when you know your heart isn't with me anymore ? -.- how long did you plan to lie to me if I didn't found out ?
Forget all that, I can't believe you were such a loser throughout the end, pushing the blame to me was the worst choice you could have made. Cause guess what ? I did blame myself at first, why did I start the argument with you causing us to be in that state. But come on, all I did was to expose your lies. :) and you got so mad cause I did so. And fearing you'll be the bad guy here, you decided to push all the blame to me. Bad choice. :)
A girl can be real bitchy when she's pissed.
I can't believe on the day I returned the gifts to you, you decided to tell your friends that we ended cause I didn't trust you. Oh, what a jerk. Seriously, can't believe your conscience allowed you to say that. Wait, do you even have one ?
Yea, all you wanted was to be the good guy and me, the bad person. You better ask yourself how much I did for you before spitting such words. And think of what you did.
Cause if you can't appreciate what I did, someone else will.
I'll remember every shit you did to me and take that as a lesson.
Oh guess what ? Karma slapped you back in the face.
So what if I'm still thinking about you ? Yea, I'm pathetic. But you, will never know the true meaning of love. Go ahead calling other people dog, cause you aren't that well off either.
Yea, I know, I'm a bitch and whatsoever you wanna call me. But guess what ? I got the last laugh. :) Don't push the blame to me/girls and then apologize, cause once words are said, they can't be taken back. :)
Can't believe I'm wasting this post on you, but yea, I'm typing this just to remind myself of whatever you did. I've changed, because it's all thanks to you.

Day 39 - Something you strongly believe in

2011-06-26T17:11:00.002+08:00

I believe what's meant to be will find a way. (:
It's better to let go of the wrong people and things.
Cause if they bothered about you, they'd try to stay in your future.
But if they don't, they don't matter a single bit.
These people are better off not being in your life. (:
They will just take things for granted and even take you for granted.

Starting Over

2011-06-25T14:50:00.002+08:00

Imma happy and satisfied girl. (:
Jerks don't deserve my love and time.
But whatever, thanks for the bullshits and memories.
Find someone better.
What we had is over, that's the choice you made.

Been rather busy for these few weeks, or rather this holiday. ):
Cca, outings, work etc.
Somehow don't even feel this is a holiday at all.
I've yet to finish my coursework. T.T
But frankly, I don't want to return to school. Hectic life.
I love holidays more still. I can go out whenever I want and holiday practices ftw. (Y)
I feel very blessed at times to have such awesome co-mates, friends and bestfriends. (:
Even though I'm not very close with my juniors, they came to talk to me etc. <3
My peers were always there for me when I needed them. (: I feel kinda bad cause I don't talk to them much yet they're still so nice.
I would totally opt for holiday practices.

I thought of writing out all the people I wouldl ike to thank but I'm afraid I might miss a few out so to be fair I won't. (:
Thank you people ! <3
I would especially like to thank baby e, bjorn, ragan, laopa, vanni, jerry, denise, darren eng and not forgetting my dearest ! :D
There's still alot more, thank you all. (:

And to those whom are upset, stay strong. <3

Back from MIA.

2011-05-15T13:51:00.003+08:00

Yea, my blog is practically dead, & I feel like leaving it ._.
But, cant bear to.
LOL.
So shall update it in a while.

Things have been going rather rough for me.
But after some talk with some of my peers, realised some things are really meant to go.
Maybe I grew too attached to them, now, realising that I'm losing them makes me feel so lost.
But life goes on, no point sheding tears and fretting over this. Living life my way is more important. (:
Some friends might not cherish the bond between us, but doesn't mean I shouldn't cherish the other people whom do.

It's easier not to trust people, for all you know, they might just spill all of your secrets out to someone closer to them.
Even though you were the best friends the year before, you never know when will you get replaced, all boom, bye to your secrets which has became a public topic.
You may think I'm too harsh, but I've gone through things that made me come to my conclusion.
Promises mean nothing.
People break it like how your pencil leads break.
They throw hate like it's nothing.
And I don't need anyone's pity, that's the last thing I want to hear/see.
To those who think crying is stupid, crazy, irrational or childish.
You don't know the true meaning of pain.
Everyone breaks down once in a while, because of something precious to them etc.
But that doesn't ever give you a right to poke fun at them, critise or insult them.
You'll never know what's happening in their mind right now.
They might be battling to fight their own feelings that are so overwhelming.
I'm not perfect, but at least I know how people feel when they cry because of the pain.
You might not be able to help them with their pain, but at least be there for them.
That's what friends are for aren't they ?
Not just faking concern, and bad mouth about them in the end.
What happened to being simple ?
Why are we so judgemental nowadays ?
And I seriously dislike people whom dislike this particular friend of theirs just cause he/she is with the person that the person hates. So, particular friend is disliked now cause of that.
Seriously ? Grow up.
If it's a problem involving you two, why drag people into it ?
Doesn't mean cause the person is with your enemy means you can't be friends with them.
That just shows how childish you're.

Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush

2011-02-26T11:47:00.003+08:00

Hi, even though you were a jerk to many people & me.
I already gave my all in that r/s.
It was you who didn't cherish and threw it all away.
You didn't fight to keep me.
6 weeks, you lived in my mind still.
But now, I'm totally over you, I still miss the memories, but I've found better ones (:
Well, still, I wish you all the best and cherish the girl you love before she decides you're not the one and leaves.
It wasn't long, but you made me stronger (:

2011-02-26T11:19:00.002+08:00

Busy life.
Hmm, overall this week... It was a unpleasant and pleasant one at the same time.
For various reasons.
But now that's it's all over, I seriously hope things will remain how it is now, I'm keeping a distance from some people just in case.
Didn't get into syf, last chance for me, I know. But idk if I was happy or disappointed. But all the best for those who got in ! :D
Don't give up okay ! (:
GOLD WITH HONOURS !

Recently, I found out those who cared and who didn't. But it doesn't matter, for those who cared, I really appreciate whatever they did. Putting a smile on my face even though I didn't feel like doing so. Special thanks to kx cause he made me laugh even 3 people tried and failed. At first I didn't feel like going F&N, but I never regret going ! (:
<3>

second chances, no more third chances.

Universal Studio

2011-01-30T18:59:00.003+08:00

Headed to Universal Studio yesterday.
Overall, I felt that the place was pretty much !
Like omg pretty, every small little detail is made so carefully.
But sadly, not much interesting rides I thought there would be.
But had a fun time trying out the roller coasters and screaming my lungs out.
It was kinda scary cause I was very afraid that I would fall out of my seat T.T
Love the cartoon characters there and those people who were in costumes. Even took a few pictures with them ! (:
But the stuff there is not cheap, even the food. So if you head there, remember to bring more money !
And you gotta have patience cause most of the rides have a rather long queue. Especially those exciting ones !
I was soaked in one of the rides at the Jurassic Park.
But the rain kinda spoil mood huh ):
Hmm, there are still a few rides closed for testing or not yet constructed finish, so it's better to wait if you wanna enjoy all the rides there.
But yesterday's weather is much better than today's already !
I prayed that it wouldn't rain so much yesterday. Even though it rained a little now and then but much better than today.
Overall, had an enjoyable day there. If I can, and have the money, I wanna go back there again (:
I've uploaded all the photos I've taken on facebook. (: But you have to add me to view it. :x Sorry !

Life goes on.

2011-01-15T21:05:00.002+08:00

Haven't been updating my blog due to school.
And I don't think anyone comes here to read anymore too ._.
So I'll update less often heh.

Stressful and tough year for me, but I'll work hard :D
Hehe. I'm starting to enjoy maths (hopefully it'll continue) and have been trying out on the questions on my own too.
Home econs is fun during the practical even though my partner kinda noisy hahah.

Co, increased to three days.
Many stuff happening too.
Getting pissed off with some people.

And as usual, hope life will take easy on me & let things just stay simple now.

I'm still a Leo despite there's a new horoscope added into the zodiac sign.
Hope me being a Leo will never change :D

And I've learnt the hard way through life.
You do good, people just take it for granted.
They just neglect you after that.
Half the time I don't even know if I matter to them.
Tsk. Need me, then find me. Don't need, I'm like trash. Disappointment.

School.

2011-01-02T22:36:00.003+08:00

Sighs, school's starting the day after.
Kinda depressing after finding out the teachers that I have next year.
Hope they won't make 2011 a hard year for me.
PLEASE ! ):
Damn, no one's taking 901 in my class, even if got, not close at all.
Depressinggggggggggggggg.
I now then realise I have one more piece of hw.
WTF. -.-
Fml.
Heading out tomorrow :D
Starbucks is really nice !

P.S 2011, please be kind to me.
Love, me.

Day 42 - Your favorite quote

2010-12-25T22:48:00.002+08:00

" You know me, but not my story. "

Yea, this is one of my favourite quotes.
I have many others, but I can't possibly list them all out.
So yea, I think this is the quote that relates to me alot.

I admit my life wasn't perfect throughout.
But anyway, who's life is ? (:
But people have no idea what I went through.
Being lied to, betrayed etc.
It has been a hard time, but I believe in meeting the right one after all the wrong ones (:
What matters is, whether you choose to give up or just strive till the end.
Life isn't easy, but I guess the outcome is what makes it worthwhile (:
Yea, to those people who lied, betrayed etc to me, you really made me who I am now. I'm stronger, I've learnt life just works this way. Yea, idk if I should thank you or despise you for that. But I guess both ?

Done posting (:
P.S I sound so chim here LOL.

Back. (:

2010-12-23T10:55:00.004+08:00

Long time since I last updated my blog.
I wonder if anyone even looked at it. ):
But anyway, I'm back from being MIA.
Actually, I didn't really MIA uh.
Just that stuff happened since my last post.
But yea, everything's back to normal now (:
Happyhappy ~

I don't remember much after I last posted. ._.
But I came back from CO camp yesterday morning.
Supposingly I'm supposed to be back on today evening.
But cause I fell on the first day & my wrist wouldn't stop hurting so much that I went home.
The first day at camp was alright, my group, wasnt hyper though :x but after playing heartattack, more bonded and eventually, we came up with our group name "scissors, paper,stone "
Hahah, the food at camp was... alright ? ._.
But my home cooked food is much better !
They took away our phones >:
I was like T.T ~ x.x
While playing dog & bone, I ran backwards and fell -.-
FML.
I was like laughing & crying at the same time.
Zhenyuan asked areyou laughing or crying ? LOL
Idk either.
I seem to always do that.
But my hand, urgh.
I just killed my wrist. ):
Put cold water onto it and I was trembling from the pain gosh.
First time I saw myself tremble so much due to the pain.
Rested and didnt play captain's ball. Didnt feel like playing either :x
Saw Candice, and that idiot girl go twist my hand somemore -.-
WTF.
Went back to hall and saw Xinmin :D
While they played captain's ball, headed to look for Angela & Shini whom was sitting on the stage.
They're kinda fun to talk to (:
At night, singing competition was held, epic hilarious. Hahahah !
Darren Tan's, Brenda's, Shihui's voice was nice (:
Heh. Despite my injury, the day was fun !
Didnt really regret going for camp.
Used Maureen's phone to call dad to tell him about my injury.
The thing I only regret is going home -_-
Nagged and nagged
Say what small thing
FUCK -.-
You try it yourself uh, then you'll know the pain I feel.
So what if I can type ?
Doesnt mean it doesnt hurt.
It does.
But I cant possibly do nothing right ?
Ass.
I wish I didn't came home.
Went to the clinic still, the doctor helped to rub but seriously, DAMN PAIN.
She say the bone moved a little.
While she was rubbing she said she heard one crack sound
I went OMFG. T.T
But no difference to me :x
Banadged still.
Hope it gets well soon ~
Imy ):

Bye

2010-12-08T11:24:00.001+08:00

Follow me on twitter,
twitter.com/pastens_e

I'm sick & tired of all these drama going on.

2010-12-06T23:36:00.000+08:00

LIFE IS FALLING APART FOR ME.

Zoo.

2010-12-03T20:58:00.004+08:00

Okay, I didn't go to the zoo.
Just went for job interview, but in the end, I'm not gonna work there cause I'm starting school soon & I can't work during school days.
So wasted efforts (: But I'm working at somewhere else. Yay ! :D
Jamie & Wenhui are continuing to work at the zoo. Probably accompanying them sometime (:

Even though I was with the seniors ( those who went to shanghai trip ) and I totally dk them at all, they are real funny. (: But during the first trip I didn't talk much. Cause yea, I'm a shy person LOL. Today was better (:
They applied for B&J's. Maybe I should go visit them sometime when I'm free ! And I'll go to the zoo. HEH. (: Lots of plans ~

I'm excited for Monday cause I heading out with the Nikalapoos for basketball (:

Yea, this was the note stuck on my door this morning by by mum.
CUTE RIGHT LOL.

Somehow, I feel like something's missing in my life ):
Idk what though. Urgh.

Day 3 — Your parents

2010-11-27T18:24:00.002+08:00

I know I might be a disappointment to them at times, and I can just raise at my voice at them when I'm pissed.
I still want them to be my parents. (:
They are really nice to me & yea, alot stuff.
Despite how the suff I want are rather costly, they will still find ways to give it to me (:
Heh. And treat my friends nicely. <3

Class outing @ECP

2010-11-27T17:01:00.004+08:00

I seriously need to get back to being active on my blog.
Urgh.
Okay, I know this is rather outdated but had our class outing at East Coast Park last sunday.
Gawrrr, trained to bedok. Took 401 to east coast.
I was hoping my phone would survive that day, and it did !
Till the very last minute still left 5% or something LOL.
Love my phone despite how suckish the battery is & the other functions.
Heh.
The weather was sorching okay !
Luckily I got my sunblock ^^ heh.
I think everyone got sun tanned that day.
AND I LOVE STANFORD'S DSLR OMG.
THE COMPOSITION OF THE PICTURES ARE VERY NICEEEEE.
When I have the money, I'll get one. HEH.

THEN THEY DECIDED TO PLAY FLOUR OMG.
I swear it's traumatising !!!!!!!
They literally pour the whole bag over you.
I played along as well.
AND FML. Some decided to smack it into my face -.-
WITH ME HAVING CONTACT LENS.
My poor eyesight >:
AND HAJAR SMACKED AN EGG INTO MY FACE WHEN I SPECIALLY TOLD HER THE NIGHT BEFORE FLOUR WAS OKAY BUT NO EGGS FOR ME FML.

I KNOW I LOOK LIKE SHIT.
I took idk how long to remove my contacts & wash.
Then dust the flour off and comb my hair.
GAWR ):
Went to the sea next, and my contact lens again T.T
Decided contact lens wasn't the most perfect thing to wear when you're on a beach.
HAH. My hair was like stuck with sand cause of Szeping who decided to smack sand into my hair -.- FML.
Hard time washing it. Then I think the rest of the time was slacking or talking and snapping photos. Don't remember doing much.
Thanks to kahyee for lending me her slippers !
I swear my hair still had sand stuck to it despite me washing it. -.-
URGH. The rice was kinda weird :O Tasteless and hard. So didnt eat much.
Next day I still had co FML. My group still asked me out for breakfast, I was like er, no thanks. I want sleep LMAO.
Overall fun day out (:

Won't be updating often unless I have special events or I'm bored (: heh

Back from taiwan (:

2010-11-17T16:31:00.004+08:00

Yay. I'm back from Taiwan (:
Overall, the trip was alright.
I love the cheap stuff there !
Food ._. okayokay la. Still can eat.
But I love the shopping parts !
Brought quite a lot of stuff.
Didn't dare to overspend though :X hehehe, but i brought stuffs that I like so I'm okay with it (:
The weather there was alright. Cooling ! :D
My room mate was alright (:
She always wakes up before me :x to bathe etc, then she'll wake me up.
Thanks alot seriously :D

Music exchange with Bi Hua Guo Zhong went alright (:
My buddy called bo hong is very cuteeeeee :D
Shy at first la, but I took the initiative to talk ^^
Heheheh, I demanded his name card cause I gave him mine.
Ran around the canteen interacting with the other students.
Taiwan people are seriously friendly :D !
However, time was kinda short uh. Sadly ):
But seriously ! I feel like interacting with them more T.T
Cause I doubt I'll see them anymore :O
Okay, back to the topic.
The performance was kinda scary cause there were media and all ._.
And I was sitting right at the front.
Nervoussss.
Okay, think we had problems during the performance.
Suona suddenly no sound ._.
Marjorie played too fast etc.
But hope no one noticed ! :x
Had unhappy events in the trip but I'm not gonna care :D
Hehehehhe.
Thanks to the people who treated me to stuff ! ^^
Siewtin, Melvin & Jerry \m/.
Wheee :D They rock.
Uploaded pictures on facebook already (:

Part 1:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=95630&id=1499000508&l=7544a660e2

Part 2:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=95631&id=1499000508&l=5637e13ebf

Part 3:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=95634&id=1499000508&l=4fcff05fea

Let the pictures do the talking then :D
I wanna go Taiwan & visit Bi Hua Guo Zhong again leh T.T
Nikalapoo ! \m/
Seriously love my group members (:
Chick at KFC etcetc OMG :D

Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression

2010-11-06T16:16:00.002+08:00

Yea, I judge a lot of people by their first impressions.
I mean everyone does right, even though you know you shouldn't a book by it's cover.
But seriously, you don't know if you're going to meet that person another time in the future.
Okay la, enough crappings.
Mostly, my predictions... most of them fail LOL.
That's why my life sucks so much, I know.
But I can't help it ! ):
Ah, nevermind, take precaution then (:

2010-11-01T20:23:00.004+08:00

Loads of events happening nowadays.
Ups & downs.
But think it's mostly about me thinking too much ?
But at least everything's alright now (: i'm glad.
Last day of school seems so yesterday when I think about it
I miss the last two years. Even though our class wasn't good in academically or whatsoever it'll be the best to me (:
Seriously, two years passed wayyyyy too fast.
I still can remember sec one where we looked so... blur and lost.
Introductions by our ogls and all.
This year we started being hyper and all, the teachers constantly complained about us being too noisy and our classroom was mad dirty.
How we played pranks on each other and teachers and screamings.
How the teachers used to scold us cause we were mad noisy and we always forget to bring stuff.
7 days from now we'll know what class we'll be streamed to, seriously hope most of us can stick together in the same class.
But if can I want the whole class ! Which is probably not possible ):
Urghhhh. Seriously hope there's someone who's in the same class as me next year that i'm close to !
Can I not get the streaming results ? ):
All the teachers that taught us in sec1 or sec2 around a few left ):
Miss chan, miss seow, mr tan then idk who alreadt.
But why miss chan and miss seow both move in different directions !
One move east another move west.
Farewell party for both of them on the last day of school.
Well, though they knew about it they still got a pleasant surprise ! (:
Had fun smearing cream over people's faces and cake all over the floor.
Mad fun (:
Took pictures with the girls and a few guys.
Took class photos too (:
Goshhh ): I miss that time.
Well, the pictures are on facebook since most of my classmates have facebook.
Lastly 1e1'09 and 2et'10 ftw ! <3

Haven't been going out nowadays due to co.
But the above pictures are taken on the day I went to daiso with the nikalapoo !
Nice name rightttt (:
Inspired from nicholas hahah !
Had alot of fun in daiso. Being idiotic and all.

Got my camera and xperia
Happyhappy !
And my unlimited sms like finally. Gosh.
Thanks dad for buying all those stuff for me !
I know your daughter is hard to please :x

Well, nowadays my friends are all upset ):
That smile picture is for you people okay !
SMILE :D

P.S 8 days to taiwan with co ! (:

2010-10-27T20:08:00.002+08:00

Despite it being the last week before the holidays.
I'm still damn busy !
No school on monday yet I still had to go to school cause of CCA.
It was mad boring ):
But I still have to go. URGH.
Tuesday had SEP.
The bus arrived late at the place. Took 1 hour and 45 minutes -_-
We were like complaining our SEP become bus ride around singapore.
Duck tour. (Inside joke)
LOLLOL.
But had fun though !
Cindy & I was damn idiotic.
We couldn't move the boat so had the instructor to help us.
She kept splashing water at me despite knowing the fact I had CCA that day >:
But I paid her back double ^^
HAHAHA.
Spalashed water at others too, overall lots of fun ! :D
But it was real tiring having to row and row.
Muscles ached ):
Rushed back home to bathe then headed for cca again.
Got the holiday schedule, and i was like FML PLEASE.
24 practices ! Counting 3 days of camp in it.
FML TTM !
:/ ):
Denise moved ): No one accompany me back home already sia. URGH ):
Today, maths trail, kinda boring.
I was the only girl in my group. Suckish ):
I only like the break part ! Everyone rush to buy food LOL.
After that, I felt like sleeping throughout the maths trail ):
I dont care if I'm using an iphone or not for the maths trail.
It's still boring.
Bus-ed back to school and had co.
BORING OKAY.
I kept staring at the clock.
Gonna have my report book back tomorrow, ):

Day 5 — Your dreams

2010-10-23T09:25:00.004+08:00

My dream was to be a photographer.
Yea, I like seeing pictures that turn out to be damn gorgeous.
Like that one above, a simple background and a person can turn out to be so nice. (:

Another example,

Even simple stuff can be pretty :D !
I like capturing the smiles on people's faces and a lot more.
I believe one picture can tell a million of stories.
And to me, photography is a form of art (:
A person's expression can mean a million thoughts going inside their heads.
Memories are captured in a picture and when you look back, you'll think back and smile at the memories (:
So overall if I can, I still wanna be a photographer !

Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet

2010-10-16T17:21:00.002+08:00

I wish I could meet myself, LOL. I know this sounds dumbbbb. But seriously, I wanna meet myself and see how it feels like. Whether I'm a nice person or not. And if I'm a nice friend and all (:
I think it's really interesting to meet yourself hahah ! :D

http://home.singtel.com/youth/products-services.asp#Mobile-Youth-Plans
YES. I'M SO GONNA HAVE THIS PLAN K.
IT ROCKS.
$39 DOLLARS ONLY SOMEMORE. \m/.
Plan, please faster expirer. YAY.

But idk what phone to get :/
http://www.htc.com/sea/product/desirez/overview.html
HTC ? Touch & type which I like, but i never used HTC before.
Or sony ?
http://www.sonyericsson.com/cws/products/mobilephones?cc=sg&lc=en

URGH. Dilemma.
Comment please :D

Day 47 - One family member you can not stand

2010-10-15T09:44:00.002+08:00

I guess it would be my father's side of the family.
Cause my mother's side of the family I still can tahan.
But my father's side, I'm speechless for words to say.
I think they are rather unreasonable at times.
Seriously, when they need help, come to my dad.
When they dont need help, they ignore my dad.
Wtf right ?
His mother too.
Seriously, my dad is your son.
Treat him with respect k.
I dont care if I'm rude to you or whatever.
You deserve it.
Even if my dad is gonna scold me, I don't care.
Everytime I visit you, I always come home unhappily.
You either embarass me in front of the whole family or something else that made me upset.
Yes, freakyou.
(:

BYE EXAMS.

2010-10-14T22:15:00.003+08:00

I'm a happy girl (:
Though unhappy things happened before that.
Argued with parents and all.
Had a long talk.
I guess I'm satisfied (:
Though I know me being a disappointment sometimes, constantly making them upset, they haven't gave up on me.
I promise to be as good as I can from now on.
No more lies and all.
I can't make them disappointed anymore.
I've learnt my lesson (:
Good girl from now on ^^
Dad says I must at least study till poly, after that on, I can choose to further my studies or not depends on my choice.
Thanks dad for everything today !

I know I have lack of pictures, but haven't been going out nowadays due to EOYs.
Gonna enjoy myself since it's already the end of EOYs !
But when I get back my paper, I'm so gonna bang the wall.
I love my rock candies :D
\m/.
Someone buy them for me again leh ~
Hah.
Lots of events have been happening nowadays, so idk where to start from.
But overall, I'm contented with my life now.
Everything's settled for now I guess.
I hope it remains so too (:
Whee :D

Gonna go Taiwan next month hah.
Less than one month actually.
Mad excited :D
And my room mate is my birdie candice !
She keep saying she want pangseh me -_-
I was like freakyou. Don't you dare pangseh me.
I gotta fork out like $280 for the trip though.
Okay la, quite worth it (:
Cindy chang and ongkengyang are my parents \m/
I keep telling that to everyone hah.
I swear they're one of the cutest couples you ever saw (:
I can't wait to go out tomorrow.
Long time since I last went out.
I still have another outing with my dearest pig (:
To admiralty park ._.
She's waiting for me to have the time to go out.
Cause of school and my piano lessons x.x
Sorry ! Will find a time out with you and the others soon (:
Next friday with my dearest ! :D
Gonna give someone a surprise tomorrow, hope it turns out well ! :/
*prays very hard*
Gonna sleep now, night ! (:

Day 35 - describe your life a year ago.

2010-09-26T17:57:00.001+08:00

Life a year ago was simple. I didn't have as much problems as I have now. Yea yesterday my bro told me that he wanted to go back to sec ones where we didn't knew about anything and were innocent. ._. I told him huh why. He said life was too complicated now and he wanted to start over again. Yea I thought about his words and found it making sense. I kinda want to restart my life. Last year was hard too cause I was in a new environment and it felt so weird. I wanted to transfer schools cause I didn't quite fit in.
I learnt alot bad and good both. I didn't quite like a particular teacher cause she always picked on my attire and szeping's. Then we would always be complaining about her. But after that she stopped catching ? Cause I wasn't in her class anymore hah. Last year had alot of friendship problems too. But now I'm glad everything has settled down with everyone bonding with each other (: even though there were a few arguments still.
But overall I like my life now. I like the people I've met this year (: without them I wouldn't be for who am I now. They have taught me alot. ^^
But there are those that have left me too. Either not close already or they just changed ?
I remember missing primary school alot last time. My primary school friends would always organise a meet up to go see mr sathya. Most of my primary school classmates I've knew for 6 years since primary 1.
Gosh, now all these seems so long ago. Now I really can feel time passing so quickly without me noticing.
Now, I hardly think about my primary school but I still wanna see my primary school classmates ^^
6L08 ftw ! \m/

It's okay

2010-09-26T17:40:00.000+08:00

Me and my sister think that we forgive people too easily.
Yea I admit.
People that don't deserve to be forgiven I still do.
But now I realised people still treat you like crap no matter what you do to please them.
Sorry, not everything goes your way.
It's like when they need you they come finding you and when they don't they just forget about you totally.
How about you try and be in that person's shoe for once ? How would you like that ?
I'm disappointed at how people can spit out such hateful words without thinking through their brain.
If that happened to you, would you think twice ?
Nope, I doubt so.
I'm upset. Yea, I don't give a damn.
I admit people like you are just passerby's in my life. Like mum said. There are more to come but I won't let them bring me down (:
The best revenge is to smile and prove them that they're nothing.

Texting with Denise now, hopefully she's alright. I've got so many things to tell her even though I saw her last Friday. :/
I read my diary over again, like time passed so quickly, it seemed so long ago that I was upset at everything. Time heals (: but there will always be those scars I'll never forget and I shall learn from them and not make the same mistakes again.

This is my decision

2010-09-24T18:21:00.003+08:00

Yay.
I should be studying but I'm not.
I think overall, my week has been quite fun & enjoyable.
Yea, I'm stressing over exams.
I'm thinking about the future.
What if I don't do well ?
Yea, stuff like that.
I always think too far ahead I realised.
Gawr.
It happens.
Okay, I don't feel like blogging anymore.
As in yea, idk what to write and something just happened.
I feel so guilty...
I know probably I won't be forgiven.
But I've learnt my mistakes ):
Seriously.

Happy (:

2010-09-17T21:33:00.003+08:00

Yes, I'm getting stressed up by exams & homeworks ):
I really detest when stress gets to me.
But yea, without stress, I don't think I'll be filled with maths formulas etc ._.
I'm happy overall this week (:
Cause I know how to cherish my time.
Yea, I spilled out my first stead to my dad :X
Somehow it was just an impulse to say it.
Yea, he didn't scold me or anything or nag la.
He just said "Wait, who broke who ?"
Me : "ER. Me ?"
He: "YES ! I used to get dumped by girls by now my daughter dump guys"
Me : "WTF ? =="
SO EPIC FUNNY LA.
Whenever I tell this to people, they'll say my dad is cute & start laughing.
I still remember superwoman suddenly telling me something, & she suddenly teared. She totally scared me. Hopefully she's feeling better already.
Then idk when, superwoman lazy go my house. Others either go waterfront or idk where. Talked for an hour plus about random stuff. Then headed home.
Stayed till around 6 then met Joey outside riverside.
Superwoman and Joey damn sabo sia :/
Superwoman say what, revenge ._.
Gawr.

Okay I'm really pissed off at my dad.
He's so kpo la walao.
I talk with who he also want kpo.
Hello ? Have you heard of privacy ?
Yes I lied to you once.
But I'm still breathing -.-
Sorry la. I know I'm the wrong already.
Can you please let me live my life ?
I won't go smoke drink or whatever things you can think of la.
I can think.
I'm not a three year old kid.
I can make decisions on my own.
I rather you be like the past okay.
You'll only check on me sometimes.
Hardly.
Yes I miss that lifestyle.
That's why I won't tell you stuff.
Cause I know I'm losing my freedom more and more.
No, I don't blame you for not giving me attention.
But you give me way too far.
I'm not someone who's dependent on someone k.
I can be independent la walao.
I'm fourteenth not three.
See the age gap ?
Yes someone might scold me for being so dumb.
so many children out there are craving for their parents to care about them
yea I know. But seriously, I feel so insecure. I can't do stuff. I feel like I'm in a cage okay.
The more you care, the more I don't want to talk and the more I'm afraid.
So just go back to the past, you were okay back then.

2010-09-15T08:50:00.002+08:00

In ICT lab now, & I'm having fun with my peers :D
Spamming fb & all.
None of them are listening to the teacher HAHAHAH.

And we're doing our own stuff & the teacher doesn't care yay :D
Meeting my dear superwoman later (:
Hopefully she's alright already.
But I'll support in whatever you do k girl ! <3
Shit my life. Curse exams. I can't stay after school already, study -.-
Shit you exams.
My dad was kinda ncie already. He said this week was the last.
But sad la ): I'm so used to meeting superwoman on wednesdays and fridays.
Okay gonna head off bye ! (:

Day 43 - A letter to someone you miss

2010-09-09T21:26:00.004+08:00

To you
Yea, I miss you alot.
More than you can imagine.
Yea, but these feelings are wasted on you.
I guess somethings weren't meant to be.
You fooled me by your words & looks.
You made empty promises.
You made me bleed over & over again.
You made me fall too hard.
You made me upset.
You made me shed tears.
You're the guy I fell hardest for.
You're the guy who's on my mind 24/7.
I wished for you every 11:11.
I stayed up late at night just to talk to you.
You used to give me texts.
You used to care.
You used to be so sweet.
You used to love me.
Yea, seriously, where has all these gone ?
I cherished everything. I really did. Why did you have to break everything ?
You told me lies, treated me like crap.
Seriously.
Idk what went wrong.
You made such an impact in my life.
Everytime I see you smiling, laughing & living normally as though nothing happened.
It was like just your fling.
Yea, you probably loved your exs more than me.
You said forever.
Yea, I should've probably reminded myself that time forever never lasts.
And I should've told you that.
I should've guarded my heart more well.
No, I can't blame you.
I blame myself for trusting you & not guarding my heart well.
I forgot.
I should have taken caution.
I should've seen the signs coming.
Was time so short ?
I'll remember you with scars.
I'll remember every memory.
It still haunts me, whenever a guy comes close to me.
I'm still haunted by words you say, lies you told, memories we had.
And I close out the world out.
People told me stories about you, but I chose not to listen.
I hoping you would change after I told you.
But no, you didn't.
Instead you changed for the worst.
Sometimes I really wanted to just be mad at you, but I couldn't.
I was just disappointed.
Really.
Sometimes I wished I could just read your mind & know if you still cared and bothered about me just like I did.
I wanted to know if you wanted to keep me from leaving that time.
I wanted to know if you were sorry for the things you done.
I wanted to know if you really loved me before.
I wanted to know if time could turn back & erase the mistakes would you still fight to keep me ?
I wanted to know if you missed me.
I guess I was too dumb.
I was too blind to see what laid ahead.
Yea, I screwed up.
But no more, I'm gonna take caution.
I lived my life like crap ever since that day.
But seriously, no more.
You're probably having fun now.
You're probably falling in love.
You're probably treating me like crap & laughing at how dumb I am to have fallen for you.
Don't say forever if you didn't mean it.
Yea, I used to hurt myself.
I used to go mad.
I used to close the world.
I used to upset my friends when they saw me living like this.
I used to upset my sis when she saw me crying & hurting.
I wasn't living my life. I was killing my life.
Whenever I see you online, I wanted to start a conversation.
But I know, we're over. I need to move on.
When your texts came, I went mad. I was smiling like mad.
I used to tell my friends whenever I see your texts.
They hate you, for doing all these to me.
I didn't care cause I was happy.
But no, now, there isn't emotions when I see you online.
You're probably obsessed with your comp. games too much to notice.
You used to neglect me cause of that, but I forgave you.
I used to hate that bitch cause she was flirting you.
Whenever I heard about you, I pretend I don't care. But inside I really did.
But now, I made a joke out of it.
I miss everything about you, but I miss mine more.
I used to be so happy & okay.
But you left a deep scar, even without the scars, I know inside you still remain.
My heart will never be the same again I know.
But I'm alright.
I'm living, breathing, smiling.
I'm not faking a smile.
I'm smiling wholeheartedly.
I see my friends hurting, but people, you aren't alone. I used to feel so too. Don't worry, you aren't the only one feeling so.
I can face you bravely, & I can tell you straight in the face, I'm alright.
I'm over you.

2010-09-09T09:50:00.003+08:00

Idiot ah.
Don't be too upset already.
Okay, I'm like repeating the same stuff over and over again.
But no use using scars to remember him.
Without scars, forgetting him will be easier.
Yea, I can't say the same for myself.
I do the same stuff.
I'm equally stupid.
But that's what made me see the light.
I've stopped already.
I know my words can't convince you.
But think for those who loves you alright <3

This holidays suck.
I hardly go out.
I gotta study.

Day 16 - Someone that's not in your state/country

2010-09-08T01:16:00.002+08:00

I still remember when I went to australia, there was a woman who adored me alot !
She bias.
She treated me damn well while the other kids not that much :X
I did things averagely and she always praise me saying I'm the best LOL.
And whenever it came to feeding the animals, she always call me.
Bias is good sometimes :D
HAHAHA.
She was really nice x.x
I don't think she remembers me anymore.
But I still remember her.
Cause a stranger like her, made me feel loved & secure despite only living in her farm for a few days.
There was a kind of aura that made everyone feel good.
She made a huge impact in my life, & I always think of what strangers do to make me live through my darkest times.
Though just a mere stranger, yet they can make a huge impact in your life.
Speaking of this makes me wanna fly to an English country already x.x
I miss those nice people I've met.
Like the guy who lives on the same level as me, idk where he moved to.
He was my kindergarden friend & I remember him confirm always wear same jacket everyday to school one.
His grandma was rather nice too. I always see him and her after school. So sweet ~
And there were a few people in primary school which I cannot remember.
And then growing up, other countries.
Yea, alot.
Next time, I wanna make a impact on someone's life too (:

FML.

2010-09-06T09:32:00.002+08:00

My life's so complicated.
Without family problems.
Yea. Hell shit for me.
Studies are just adding on to my burden ):
Seriously study so hard for what ?
Okay I mean no offence to those who loves to study.
But like what Vanni said, we don't use algebra to solve our work.
We don't apply formulas to our work.
I don't get any part of this.
My sis is apparently stressed up over alot of stuff now.
And that includes Projectwork.
Idk why they have to take it as a A level subject.
Okay fine, improve our environment.
But she's damn stressed out over it without having parents to blame her.
It's not like she wanted things to be like that.
So now are you like trying to indirectly say she shouldn't have gone to a smart school ?
Yea, she's smart.
Let the poor girl use her brains.
You can't blame us for things that don't make sense.
You said to let this holiday for us to S-T-U-D-Y.
Yea, empty words ?
I was kinda shocked at what you said.
You couldn't hear sis who was on the other end almost breaking into tears.
Yet you continued to blame her for things she doesn't want either.
What's wrong with you people.
Yea hell I'm rude, but seriously, I don't know what's going on with your mind.
Sister is waywayway more smart than me.
She's a good sister and daughter.
Though you may not see her much of the time.
She has a life.
You think she want to go school everyday facing the same people ?
I know her feelings.
The answer is N-O.
You'll probably tell me to go work
now to experience the thing you're going through.
Yea. And it's gonna help ?
Sorry things work way different now.
Alot of teenagers work okay.
Though their pay very low.
At least they work.
Seriously. URGH. I pity sis ):
Cheerup girl.

I'm gonna stay strong like I promised.
Not to let people in so easily.
I'm really proud of myself for being able to stay strong.
I'm glad having to live through these 14 years yay.
I'm not gonna shed tear.

Day 15 — The person you miss the most

2010-09-04T11:16:00.000+08:00

I miss that person alot.
More than you can imagine.
But yes I remember, I deserve better.
You're just part of my life, there are many parts in my life.
Even though you never were really there for me.
But I'm okay. Cause I know I was there. I did whatever I could. But you chose something else. Even if I wanted to hate you I can't. I need to take a break. Forget everything. Learn from my lesson. Not to keep my hopes too high for the disappointment will be greater.

2010-08-30T22:59:00.000+08:00

.You see that girl? Yeah, she’s the one who’s heart got broken, the one who stayed up til’ midnight just to talk to you. You have no idea how much it tears me up to hear her talk about the things you guys did and how you treated her. She’s the one who got butterflies whenever she got a call or text from you, the one who said good morning every time she had the opportunity, and the one who prayed for you every night before she went to bed. It’s a shame and it breaks my heart to see her like this. Now she’s built up walls because of you and trust me they will be unbreakable for a long time. She’s always seen everyone around her get cheated on and deceived, but she never thought she would be the one. It’s people like you that make it so hard for girls to trust guys and for them to be open wit them. You don’t get it now, every thing is game to you but one day you will, what comes around goes around. You’re not going to be able to find another girl who will put up with your shit. You won’t find another one to take time out of her day to make sure yours is going alright. And when you see that, I hope she’s finally moved on, so you could understand what you lost. She’s the one who fought for you, the one that missed you and loved you when no one else did. But by the time you realize that she’s the girl you’ll want, she’ll already be with the guy who figured it out. Believe that. This is for all of the girls or the people that wish loneliness wasn’t a part of them, but put up with it anyhow. For the people that are okay with taking up all of the room in the bed, even if sometimes it feels a little empty. This is for the people who wake up in the morning with no missed calls, no texts but smile anyway. I look up to the people that have tired so much to get their past relationship back to where it was, but stopped cause they knew it was for the better. You’re dignity, braveness, endurance, courage and fearlessness inspires me. I see the problems you guys have to go through and or my friends, and it only inspires me to be an even better future boyfriend or to be a better friend. I learn from other peoples mistakes, so I don’t have to go out on my own and repeat them. Remember to learn to appreciate what you have before time forces you to appreciate what you had.
--
Taken from someone's tumblr. I forgot the URL. But hell I really did that for someone before. Yea in the end nothing was worth it. He wasn't worth. Yes I do regret at times doing so much yet getting nothing good in return. It pains me to speak of it. But I chose to believe in it. But I gotta thank him for making me come this far. Being strong and all isn't easy but yea through everything I managed to. Yes I did a few dumb things during that period but I'm okay. I'm coping things well like I should. I've learnt not to trust people so mcj and don't let them gain your trust that easily cause if they break it you're left with nothing but pieces of your trust leaving you to pick it for yourself. People don't see how much pain I've gone through but someday I will tell it like a story. Someday I might think of it and laugh how dumb was I. I'm not gonna let people gain my trust so easily anymore. Don't say I haven't gone through enough to say things like that. You don't know me. And to you, I'm sorry for not being what you expected. But I can't destroy myself cause of you.

Day 6 — A stranger

2010-08-28T23:17:00.005+08:00

Not much of interesting events this week.
Just a few.
And I seriously cannot stand you, you're just like a stalker okay.
Don't irritate me.
My friends already told you off, dont you get the hint ?
Don't tell me how sad you are.
Don't need to tell him anything okay.
Stop ruining things for me.
I already warned you not to waste your time.
I did okay.
Everything was your own thinking.
Don't say I've changed. You dont know me.
Don't act like you do.
I can be the person you wished you never met.
I'm cruel ?
I gotta thank those who made me to whom am I today (:
I dont blame them.
Dont plan my life for me. I plan my own.
Stop spamming my phone/fb/msn whatsoever.
Spoil my mood is worst, telling other people wrong move. Bye (:

A stranger. She was a customer of mine when I had a blogshop.
We've had some problems due to the supplier's side but she was rather understanding uh.
Grateful to her.
I'm not sure whether she got argue with me but all I know is after I gave her her items and she had to give us refund or something then she mailed me a letter.
She was really sweet even though I didn't know who she was.
I still have that letter till today. And I just came across it today that made me wanna post this. So yea, strangers are friendly sometimes ^^ that's what made my day even through this mess

Day 51 - A random fact that nobody knows about you

2010-08-21T13:18:00.001+08:00

Hmmm.
I have moodswings alot.
I can talk alot then suddenly keep quiet.
So ya dont blame my moodswings
x.x

2010-08-21T11:31:00.002+08:00

I'm in a dilemma.
Life sucks
People tell me different things.
I should follow my heart but it doesn't know what to do either.
Awesome not.

Not much of events this week except for the yog badminton match.
I didn't regret going there.
Quite fun with matilda and cherilyn. (:
Mr Adrian is super hilarious !
It was the girls single finals.
Thailand won first place followed by china then Vietnam.
Then there was a resheduled match by India and Thailand. Thailand won India.
The guy was mad happy till he threw his racquet to the audience and as usual everyone went to grab for it and I was wondering huh later someone get injured how LOL
Okay waited for the bus while I was on the phone till like 1 hour chatting with some baichi. Hah. Mr Adrian was like still on the phone ?! I went yay I know you jealous hahah. Got back to school at 11 and waited for my dad. The other four guys accompanied me. Then my dad decided to give a lift to the other two guys. Back home bathed and went to sleep.
I hate how problem comes to me so easily. ):

Fourteen.

2010-08-15T12:21:00.004+08:00

H.A.P.P.Y F.O.U.R.T.E.E.N.T.H B.I.R.T.H.D.AY T.O M.E
Everyone's been really nice to me today.
Spamming me with texts/fb/letters etc (:
I really appreciate them all ! <3

My birthday wish is ...
I can't say it out though hahah ! LOL. Stupid.

Okay la, relatives gonna come over so yea, thanks for everything again people !

Think again

2010-08-13T20:30:00.006+08:00

Okay my exam results are totally disappointing, no need for you to gloat.
i dislike it when people act proud in front of me when they get very high marks or whatsoever.
Please, keep your marks to yourself & think of people's feelings.
Ya you're happy but stop repeating it.

Fuck man, my parents lock the computer so ya no pictures -.- stupid much.
Ya I know my results disappointing. I really detest studying sometimes. Irritating asses.
I hate you people sometimes. You dk my feelings fine but you oppose them. Awesome not.
Nevermind you got a smart daughter she'll figure things out.
And yea shitass my itouch is gonna get confiscated this end of the month shitass. -.-
FML much.

Okay no pictures then links lor.
CLICK !
this was taken yesterday with Daryl hahah.
Yayness to vanni and him.
He say my bag like going gym like that cause it was like heavy and he help me to carry cause I cannot stand my heavy bag.
Yay ^^
cheerup okay ~ don't emo later get depression then compression LOL
Inside joke hah.
Thanks to Denise and cindy for the advanced birthday presents <3
You people rock my life.
I saw alot of foreigners yesterday ._.
And I was like wow okay. First time seeing so many angmos at cwp LOL
Usually see them only in orchard.
Okay totally no mood now cause of the stupid comp -.- I wanna scream at my parents whatever shit but hell I can't.
I hate it when the day before my birthday sucks so much.

Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

2010-08-13T20:24:00.003+08:00

Oh hi reflection.
LOL.
Okay, I sometimes like my reflection sometimes not.
I dislike my reflection sometimes cause I can see all my flaws and all those irritating pimples etcetc.
I like my reflection cause idk what. LOL. Just have this feeling.

Day 22 - Someone you want to give a second chance to

2010-08-10T11:47:00.002+08:00

Hmm, I'm not sure either.
But yea I've given a chance to that person.
And I really hope that person cherishes it well.
Cause of that person, I've gone through alot.
I've hurt, cried, been happy, smiling and alot more.
Okay people may say I'm stupid or whatsoever, but hah, I agree too.
Stupid me shiaks ):
But whatever la, everyone makes mistakes.
If I ever regret it, blame it on myself.
Cause I didn't listen to people and blame it on my stupid feelings ~
I should let that person see this, but oh well nevermind. (:

Those who know, SHHH !

Day 36 - Your definition of love

2010-08-09T17:35:00.004+08:00

- Jordan.

Hmm to me, the definition of love is quite simple.
It doesn't have to be complicated like involving problems etcetc.
And for own selfish needs.
Some people whom I know, they either treat love as a game, they just have relationships for the sake of trying to be in the "in" group or they just treat it like something you can dump then get a new one. Like some object.
I really dislike people whom think so & do so.
Wait till you have your retribution, what if you really like this guy/girl ? Yet he/she just treated you like a toy ? You wouldn't like that yea ? So think of what you're doing now, if you still wanna continue treating your girlf or boyf like a toy, then I really hope retribution will get you one day (:
I'm not referring to anyone at this moment, just that I heard too many stories about these cases and just posting my thoughts out.
I really dislike this kind of people !!!! They make me wanna slap them.
Okay back to my topic.
I just had a few relationships, think 1 or 2 if the second one is even counted LOL.
Okay I kinda suck at it though.
I admit I'm not the most perfect girlfriend.
I suck at alot of things.
But all I want is a good boyf, who will care about me, joke around.
Comfort me when I'm upset, does sweet things once in a while.
Give me hugs and tell me that even though I'm in a mess he still loves me.
LOLLOL, okay. Too fairytale already.
Okay overall, be a good boyf, trusts me, loves me even I may be in a mess, caring and not to be so sensitive.
Yea, I guess that's overall.
Love can be simple, selfless & sweet.
You'll experience alot of emotions in love. Hahah.
WTF. I sound like some counsellor or something.

ℒℴvℯ yℴu

Dumbass.

2010-08-08T16:21:00.004+08:00

Just a quick summary of my week.
Alot of ups & downs again.
Overall, I detest this week.
This week was like a whole year to me -.-
Sometimes I really had enough of all these dramas and heartpains.
I really appreciate those texts/pms/letters/confronts asking if I'm okay and whatsoever.
I really appreciate them alot.
I broke down last friday and I had to call someone to calm myself down unfortunately Jamie wasn't around, and Cindy was a Malaysian so called shijia in the end.
She got quite a shock however she just kept comforting me while I told her everything.
After that I managed to calm down uh. Thanks girl (:
I feel kinda guilty cause I know she's going through a rough time and yet I had to talk to her about my problems adding on to her burden.
I'm really thankful that I've met much better friends in secondary school as compared to those in my past.
And of course not forgetting cindy, I had a rough night on saturday and she called me from Malaysia which was costly. Cause she knew I would break down sooner or later. She was like cursing all the way throughout the phone conversation but yea that helped alot. At least I was okay.
Love my girls alot ♥

National day performance at school was alright. What I loved most was the yangqin performance and everyone singing to the song.
I screamed like nobody's business and yea my throat felt sore afterwards. Headed to cwp and met pohyee and vanni while Cindy and shijia went to xincai's house.
I went home then headed out again cause I was hell bored at home and Cindy said she was going home at around 4 so headed back to meet her.
Wth, I envy her and kengyang so sweet. And I was like urgh shouldn't have come and starts looking away.
Had been planning to go out with liujin, mengtong, shijia and Jamie. But in the end Jamie and shijia never go and it was raining to called off the trip and later in the afternoon headed out with sis to orchard. Had omelette love it !

Then yesterday was alexi's birthday so Denise and I headed to his BBQ party. We felt so extra cause we were different classes from the rest of his friends so we stuck to each other. When we were choosing alexi's present Denise very kiasu leh ! Ohmygod hilarious. xD
Chatted alot and she says I understand her ^^ but regarding to him, her thoughts and cindy's is the same ._.
But I guess I'm the dumb one then.
Headed home at 8:30 cause I guess dad would come and look for me if I didn't reach home by then but in the end he wasn't even at home la LOL.

Okay that's all I guess. Heading out to meet Hannah later on. It's like years since I last saw her ! (:

Day 34 - A song that makes you cry

2010-08-07T21:36:00.003+08:00

Okay this poses a challenge.
The song that always makes me cry is An jing le.
In english it just simply means Silenced.
I swear it always makes me cry whenever I'm upset.

But the lyrics are meaningful not all those raprap etcetc which makes no sense at all to me.
Okay some of it relates to my life & some not really.
But somehow it just makes me cry.
I hate listening to it sometimes when I'm sad cause the next thing I know, I'm crying -.-

Note to myself : Never to listen to it when I'm feeling real down.
Okay, that's all bye ! (:

Day 17 - someone from your childhood

2010-08-06T22:58:00.003+08:00

Okay, I'm not exactly proud of my childhood. And I don't want to experience it over again.
I admit maybe I haven't been the best friend in my childhood but that doesn't mean all my friends have to suck.
I only remember one particular girl in my kindergarden which I really hated alot.
She always got me into trouble once I got beaten by the teacher somemore.
Wtf. Ask her go die
Cause of her I got trauma of school then I always refused to go to school.
And in class I'm damn lonely cause she went and snatch my good friend.
And she's that kind of one minute you're my friend the other you're not. -.-
Too bad I was way too young if not I confirm boom her with words.
And I can still remember her stupid looks -.-
I think I still have my kindergarden class photo somewhere and I can point who is she.

Some of my childhood friends have already moved away ):
and I cannot find them or maybe their looks too.
But I still can remember the guy who lives at the same floor as me and same kindergarden.
He disappeared also ):
sighs.
It's okay as long I've got my friends now. Scarli some day my kindergarden friend come find me hahahah.

Day 4 - Your siblings (or close relative)

2010-08-04T19:20:00.002+08:00

Sister.
I can tell my most of my stuff, even though I can really dislike her at times cause of her whines & etc.
But overall, I'm grateful that I have a sister whom really knows how being a girl can be like.
I remember how we used to get into fights & arguments when we were young.
Now we still get into arguments but we always forgive each other the next day.
She knows what I've gone through and always gives me a hug to comfort me cause she know how much it hurts and she knows I'm not strong even though I pretend to be.
She also gives me moral support, & argue with my parents when I'm in trouble.
We used to get into trouble together & my dad would be really mad cause she's not setting a good example for me.
I know how stupid she can be too, doing stupid stuff etc.
And I always steal her stuff last time when I was younger, then she would be real mad.
Even though we have grew up, we still share our secrets together.
Through the rough times and the happy ones.
Whenever I was upset or I cried, she would always talk to me or just comfort me.
Her words mean to me alot, and sometimes gives me motivation.
I used to hate how bias my relatives were, cause she was the oldest and I was the younger one, so she would always get the attention, and the gifts. And the fact that she's much smarter than me ==
However, now, not really la.
No matter how much I want a brother, I still want my sister too.
& not to say she always gives me the presents that I want :D
Hahah, thanks for everything sister !
All the best in everything

Day 1 - My best friend(s)

2010-08-01T13:43:00.003+08:00

Hmm my definition of best friends would be those whom I usually share secrets too and crap with without worrying much uh. Yea some are rather close to me but I don't share my personal secrets to them or go looking for them when I'm in trouble or anything. So here goes (:

Dearest, Cindy.
We've been through alot of ups and downs and arguments uh. At first when we first saw each other I kinda thought she was unfriendly and those kind of only care about looks etc one :X okay seriously forgive me, I'm just posting whatever Im thinking now. So no offence ! Ya, think she thought the same about me ? We didn't talk until the end of sec 1 orientation camp. But still not close, just that kind of hi bye friends you see everyday. She was a Malaysian so we hardly communicate and she was always with the Malaysians. Pangseh ): but somehow I found out she loves to camwhore like one addict like that lo, mad girl. :P it was wgs's tenth year anniversary fun fair and she suddenly ask me to camwhore with her and that was my first picture with her. Nice, I still have it leh ^^ we still didn't talk much LOL. Then we belong to different ccas too, I'm in co while she's in dance. Stay back days also different. There was once in June while I was watching tranformers (gosh I still can remember) then she SMS me asking if I wanted to head out cause she was free and she would be asking the girls in our class too. So yea I was kinda shocked she'll ask me out cause I'm like not the in-group LOL. So ya I say not sure yet and she kept booming me with SMS then she finally remembered I was halfway watching a movie so didn't disturb me already. But in the end the outing fail, cause it was h1n1 period and her mother thought it wasn't safe for her to go out so cancelled but I think we still got communicte through SMS we didn't see each other cause it was the holidays and she always cannot go out one. We promised to hug each other when school reopens LOL. Saw her when school reopened and we like dunno whether want hug anot. Then I forgot who took the initiative then hugged. Hilarious. Somehow after that we became very close and liujin was complaining everyone pangseh her one cause her partner used to be Cindy whenever we had to line up. Haha. Then she got stead uh, she don't want tell me but in the end I still found out muahaha. Then I always tease her, and we started some book that we pass to each other everyday to write. Then I told her about my first crush etc. LOL epic funny cause I was so dumb that time. We always use that to communicate after we had an argument or just random stuff. But now all her entries about her stead one x.x then I'll be like big eyes stareeeee. LOL. During ccm I always hyper one for some reason then Im like the mad woman. She'll be either be like mad woman with me or say I'm an idiot ._. so ya, it has been close to 1 year plus till we became good friends and I know she loves me alot still despite my idioticness and her stupidity. We've gone through alot, shared alot ^^

Denise !
This one quite hard to write leh LOL. I forgot how we became close also. Before tenth year anniversary or something ? Erilea, her, Melvin ang Jerry always hang out together after co practices. Things became complicated after tenth year anniversary and somehow we didn't hang out anymore. But erilea, her and me are still close (: which I'm greatful for, if not I sure loathe co already. I share most of my stuff to her and she shares hers. She & Gerald damn cute one, hahah ! Last long with him girl ! <3 love you la.

QAD, Jamie !
Okay la she's worst I totally forgot how we got close man. But just suddenly we always hang out during Fridays. Then talk about our week overall, I'm always laughing at her and mengtong in class. Then during sec 1, she hates guys alotalot. For some reason. She always dl them or fight with them, she more violent than me can x.x and she's damn rich and pampered. Her room is totally white, which I envy alot. She had a complete room makeover. There was a period when some person keep smsing her then those who know will always tease her xD then she'll kill us. Ahahah, up till now she's still doing so ! And stop being so tall !!

Okay la, overall I guess these people only ._. others I don't share much.

2010-07-25T13:30:00.015+08:00

Watched Despicable me on friday, since it was my 1 year & 2 months anniversary with my dearest, as well as Kengyang's birthday. So yea, headed out to celebrate. At first the guys went home leaving only me & Cindy, we brought the tickets for them uh, but the person didn't allow us to buy so many so had to wait for them. I kept asking them to rush, then they also keep spamming my phone with calls. So yea they finally came. Before that I saw my birdie ^^ I told her I saw someone, then she went OHMYGOD, fly over cause she scared later I say crap to that person. In time for the movie uh, damn cute ! I like the yellow things & the black haired girl. Cindy & I kept laughing. Headed to food court next, had fish and chips, then everyone keep saying I'm the lightbulb, & I went okay la !!! I go sit other table but Cindy gave me that face asking me not to x.x so poor me. Stuck in the middle.

Headed to the playground next, I was like ohmygod, so near my house. Okay la, not really near but ya, you get it. It was like ages since I stepped near a playground. Primary school I used to go there almost every week. Nickey found his new friend, a fucking white spider -.- Cindy as usual went screaming like mad, while I hurriedly grab my bag. Cause I always think they'll somehow go crawl into my bag. Ew. Then camwhored, Dickson keep telling Cindy & Kengyang how to pose, very auntie leh him. Can't stand him. You must really wonder how I can stand him, having to sit with him for the first semester. Okay la, I was the photographer, then I see them arranging how to pose I can seriously fall asleep. But they damn sweet :3 Envy ! But I'm satisfied with my life now.
After that Cindy had to head home, so accompanied her to wait for 950 with Kahyee & Zhihao. The bus took like almost 30 minutes to come ? Then the queue like hell long.

CIP Programme

Had fun overall ! The rest of the pictures are at my fb. (: Take a look if you want to.
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=69894&id=1499000508&l=d2a02a0e69

FML -.-

2010-07-17T21:52:00.002+08:00

I know what people are saying about me.
Whatever you expect from me, I can't fit into it.
I disappoint you, in everything that I do.
You have high expectations, but sorry, I can't live up to it.
Give up hope on me if you want to, it's easier for me that way.
If I'm someone whom you think is hopeless, fine, let it stay that way.

I seriously dk who to trust -.-
People tell me different things, WTF.
Fine, I shall not believe in any single one of you anymore.
From now on, I believe in myself & my instincts.
To hell with you people, gossip all you want, may your mouth rot.

I'm being cool with everything for now, I shan't let your words affect me.
Cause you people aren't worth it.
I can't stop your words, but neither you can stop mine.
HAHAHA into your big face.
I won't be escaping even if I want to. FYL.

Busy week

2010-07-10T16:30:00.002+08:00

Didn't have any special activities this week. So not much pictures (:
Been thinking ALOTALOT nowadays ):
People keep saying I very emotional LOL. Idk what's gotten into me, but I positive if I could, I rather not think about those stuff.
Busted into Riverside on Wednesday since I was meeting Celine (: It's been ages since I last saw her. Pohyee was with her too and they came up with this idea of me going into RSS. I was like er, okay ._. Changed into their uniform and I swear it's freakish weird.
RSS is like HUGE as compared to WGS. Explored their school, and what's worst is that I can't use my phone whenever I like, cause they say if teacher sees, they will confiscate. Even after school ! Urgh, like felt so weird without my phone. Saw annessa, she went huh ? Why I in RSS LOL. Saw Vanni on the way, and she totally cannot recognise me. She say I damn sneaky lo. HAHAHA. She dragged me off to her classroom and I meant literally drag. So sorry for pangsehing Celine ! ): Some of her friends whom I saw at popular last time also got shocked seeing me, cause they thought I looked familiar but can't be what. Then they went no wonder la ! Then started with the greetings. I swear that they're damn friendly, I only saw them twice they already start hugging me. There was this girl whom was also vanni's friend was chit chatting with vanni and yea, talked to me a little about my contact lens. Then she had to go off, she hugged vanni, vanni's friend. I thought she wouldn't hug me (of course), but as usual, she came and gave me a hug. Why they so friendly one >< Okay la, after vanni questioned Guojie and all, went off.
Thursday, rehearsal for speech day then sectional, but since we couldn't play Candice & I went walking, then talked on the staircase. I've always liked sitting on the staircase for no reason. I swear sectional & co is more enjoyable cause of her ^^ I'm not close to the people in my section and thus, I go co for the sake of not going detention & all so I didn't like co. Then Candice also not close to me at first then dunno when, we became quite close lo, whenever section, we'll talk to each other one then slowly bond uh & she started coming co ~ she's a great person to talk to ! I told her my stuff, she told me mine. Then she's like those friend who are really loyal to you (:
See bird ?! I write so nicely about you :D
Speech day performance today was quite good. Just that I suddenly forgot the notes to one part of the song then my hand like anyhow one LOL.
The hall was like freezing cold for once.
Went to have lunch with Denise, Erilea, Jerry, Melvin and Alexi after school. I swear Melvin Ching is damn idiotic. He very noisy -.- but he can always make me laugh like some mad woman one.
Can people stop expecting me to fit into their expectations ? I'm happy the way I am, I don't need to change myself to fit for you.

SCHOOL.

2010-07-02T22:37:00.003+08:00

Got a mail from M.A.C 2 days ago, when my aunt told me I had some letter I was like HUH. Who will send letters to me one ? Lol. Idk what the product is either, but from what I read it's some skin refresher. Thanks to sis for helping me search the whole Ngee Ann City !
Caught Eclipse today with sis & mother. Yea, my mum. LOL. The seats were like filling fast ! But fortunately, we booked the tickets online. The movie was delayed as the previous movie was delayed hence crashing into the next movie's schedule. Entered the threatre, and after 15 mins or so, the movie suddenly stopped, then the word "Panasonic" came out. Everyone was went HUH ?! Then everyone started to stand up go toilet, buy drinks etc. There was some technical problems so yea, waited for around 20 minutes or so, the movie started ALL OVER AGAIN. Fortunately it didn't stopped at the end part uh. Okay la, idk why they say Edward's hot ._. I think Jake's more. LOL. After all he did say "I'm hotter than you" to Edward. It's just my opinion uh (: Different people have different views. But Eclipse is much better than Twilight & New Moon. Jamie keep saying I abandon her when I didn't. Just that, I tend to be earlier (: I keep forgetting that Monday is a Youth day -.-

Love my aunt alot ! She always makes these pudding for me & sis. (:

Watched toy story 3 not long ago with my sis. It was quite a last minute decision, I was hesitating on to watch Karate Kid or Toy Story but in the end, chose toy story. I don't regret watching it at all ! It's like the best out of the 3 movies. I will get the disc when it comes out ! My little cousin caught the show with my uncle & aunt too. She actually cried when she saw the toys were going to get burnt (spoiler). I was like wow, that's deep. Lol ! But believe she enjoys the show too ! Rate it 6/5 ! (: It really brought me back to my childhood times.

I hate it when my emotions go down ):

2010-06-26T14:27:00.002+08:00

I hate everything now ):
I hate you.
I hate how it hurts so much.
I hate my flaws.
FML. ):

Stupid idiotic phone of mine !

2010-06-21T22:29:00.001+08:00

Love this cartoon character since I was like I dunno, 7 or 8 ? And yea, I love my itouch alot ! The only thing I don't like is, need USB to charge :/

Didn't take much pictures of the chalet, but had dinner at Long Beach Seafood Restaurant the first night, the food there is really good, especially the service ! If the service sucks, the food would taste suckish too (: but serious, like those kind of wedding dinner, they'll change your plates almost every dish and they serve fast too unlike having to wait like 30 minutes for your food and in the end, you lost patience and don't feel like eating already. The chalet overall, was fun (: And apologies to Kevin uh x.x Thanks bro ! You rock uh, (: My toe's fine too ~
Heard some creepy but interesting stuff from sis, she said apparently her friend could see stuff not that kind of normal stuff but yea you get what I mean. So she said 1am the thing starts so my sis told me to get back at 1am. I didn't ask much cause I didn't think too deep anyway. So yea, they rode to changi, then suddenly one particular spot, it was like suddenly COLD. FREAK ME OUT LIKE HELL MAN. I WAS WTFWTFWTF. Close eyes. Rushed back since my friends listened, then my sister said okay good, I went back to the chalet, then suddenly 3am my sister and her friends all came rushing back. Apparently she said cause at that time they get more powerful :/ SCARY SHIT. HELL.

Some stupid equation I made about Jingyi, since class was boring. And with her beside me, there's no way you can concentrate. I wanted to listen but that girl kept drawing unartistic pictures of me -.-

Sis & mum got me flowers ! (:
And dearest came over to stay at my house, leaving in the morning the next day.

This is a little late, but these are the pictures (:
Credits to Denise for the group picture.
The bread I got was recommended by yellowbird, CandiceChen LOL
Makeup for the boys, as above, for my dear bro, Jerry
Epic funny ttm.
Apply eyeliner all those.

And somehow found a picture of my kindergarden graduation.
Saw the picture and I went x.x 0.0 OHMYGOD.
Okay here goes.

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LOLLOL right ?

Okay, end of post (:
I shall post another time, considering my phone usb works, and school's reopening HELL.

Update soon !

2010-06-17T23:41:00.007+08:00

SHIT BLOGGER !!!!!!!
Somehow i can't upload my pictures, so lack of pictures this week x.x
Be back with pictures next week, I'll spam the post with pictures yea (:
Okay, chalet tomorrow, and I'm clueless on what to pack, my bag is not even half filled !
After chalet, piano lesson x.x
Monday need travel all the way to sengkang for my tuition, then project at woodlands then tuition again just that fortunately, not at sengkang (:
Wednesday and thurs co day camp.
Then school starts x.x
FML.

Oh yea !
Found my long lost friend like after 5 years or so x.x
Missed her loads uh, I remember every holiday I'll go call her then crap stuff for about an hour. After that, lost her contact so never contacted her already. But recently, she found me ! :D Thank god. I was totally shocked and surprised cause I thought I'll never see her again. Somemore, she's a close friend of mine though we knew each other for only 2 years ? Cause we used to go for breaks together (: She was the one whom told me I should always tie my hair in a ponytail in primary 1, ohmygod, I still can remember that day uh ._. Somehow it left a great impression on me. Now she's looking for verna, & verna ah, don't go mia from the cyber world, I hardly see you online, wait actually, I don't even see you online x.x Ibel said she hasn't contact you for a long time either.
&
Rina !
WELCOME BACK GIRL ! :D
I missed you alot uh T.T

WGS Aesthetic night'10

2010-06-12T14:25:00.003+08:00

I was like shit pissed off during thursday !
STUPID BOY STUPID PEOPLE.
Whatever attitude the boy showed to Erilea, curse you !
Your racket can't even play for my instrument !!!!
I don't wanna waste my breath on you so I just gave you a look, but that doesn't mean I'm okay with it !!!
After co some incident happened, but shan't elaborate since everything's okay (:

SHALL UPLOAD THE PICS SOON WHEN I GET THE PICS FROM OTHERS ~ :D

Had WGS Aesthetic night yesterday at Republic Poly's Cultural Hall.
Had to go there early in the morning for rehearsals then the actual performance.
I guess everyone was very tensed about the performance ? Cause they were rushing here & there, screaming here and there too.
Co members were all squeezed into a tiny dressing room with instruments all over so yea, torturing. Slacked with Candice the wholeway, lunch was horrible :X so dinner, Candice & I decided to head to 711's to get over so called dinner. Which was two sandwhiches and one bread. Much better as comapred to the dinner provided x.x
Candice & I was like joking all the way, in side secret :3
Although she's idiotic, but it's fun being idiotic with her horhor ?
Tabitha came for rehearsal and I love her singing ! She had a duet with Mrs Haikel "Mama do" and her solo "Spotlight" much better as compared to the original version.
Sadly didn't get to see her backstage cause half the time I was in the dressing room. But oh well, at least did hae a glimpse (:
Jerry and the other guys kept playing with my make up, esp that jerry ! Can't stand him, like kid -.- maybe worst than that too. He did use my foundation claiming he wanted to hide his pimples, but his pimples are impossible to hide.
While putting on makeup, we decided to help jerry with it too :3
Used foundation, eyeliner, eyeshadow epic funny ttm !
Sophia & I kept snapping pictures of him during his process putting makeup.
Okay la, quite pretty (sarcasm) and this dizi junior kept saying babybaby ~ to jerry. Shocks.
I went ohmygod, I have a sister !!! Referring to jerry, since he somehow turned "pretty". LOLLOL.
Performance turned out to be great, but I kinda played wrongly x.x
Heard mdm ang, mr justin and miss thia singing and mdm ang & mr justin sang damn nicely !
Overall aesthetic night was a success (:
Went to meet dearest, then my mum and sis. Headed home, chatted with dearest till 1am, she sleep until can keep knocking into my bedside plank ._.
Can give me a heart attack at night uh.
Morning, she headed off when I went for my piano lessons.
Really hope to get such performances :3 it's really a great experience !

Lukut.

2010-06-01T10:01:00.007+08:00

Okay uh, I know this is like kinda outdated, but I'm back from Malaysia, Lukut. (Supposingly to post this on Sunday)
Woke up at 5.45am, waited for my dad & his friend. Then headed to Singapore custom, there was a long jam as usual, since it was a public holiday. Waited for at least 2 hours before we passed into the custom, overall 4 hours stuck there. Headed to Lukut for the wedding dinner. Supposingly to stay in one big apartment with some others, but we didn't feel comfortable with staying with other people somemore the toilet two way one, never lock the other door, another person come in, I can't imagine the scene. So changed to another apartment which only my family & I stayed in. The resort is Corus Paradise Resort, but half is hotels, half is aprtments, & I swear the hotel is waywayway much better than the apartments -.- Dad complained too, even the hotel door looks nicer ! So yea, you can imagine how bad isit.

Ohyea, my stupid partner in class, kept playing with this rubbery thing which my teacher gave, still ask me take picture for him LOL.

Day 2
Freezing hell in my room, sis kept tugging at the blanket when the aircon isn't blowing at her ! Sneezed & sneezed. Woke up early to "fetch" the bride & all.

The bridegroom and his "bros" had to eat the bread which was filled with washabi and chilli. And the end result, all throw downstairs -.- Then they passed the test & they all went in.
Waited for them to finish serving tea and all, then headed for the bridegroom's house.

Did I mention the parking there horrible ttm ? No parking lot, the cars park in the center, -.-
Did the decorations for the restaurant & loads of balloons :B
Then wedding dinner, it's like one of the worst I've went :X
They smoked, drank. Somemore got this indian guy, went up stage & kept dancing. The bridegroom's brother was drunk, like wayway drunk. So almost half of the people who went there were drunk. Went back into the coach to the resort, some guys even went semi naked after that, according to my sis. Lol, next day, home sweet home (:
Sorry for the lousy quality of pictures, didn't bring camera, so used my 3.2 megapixel camera.

さようなら

2010-05-28T05:00:00.001+08:00

Heading to Malaysia this morning.
Shall be back on Sunday :3
Shall miss you people !
Miss me (: